Showing posts with label Edition 5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edition 5. Show all posts

Monday, 11 March 2013

Fifth Round Feedback - Deepa


Please note: The below is an overall feedback post bringing all stories together. The points of view are solely my own.

Reviewing is easy. We call it as we see it. Judging on the other hand is extremely difficult – and I am not going to say it was easy for me or pretend that I have done a good job. I do hope that the critiquing comments left for each post

a. Make sense in the context.
b. Turn out to be helpful for the writer.

In no way are they intended to discourage anybody, they are only my humble attempts at pointing out what I think needs improvement in the story. Also, that does not mean that I am an expert.

Now, coming to the edition itself, I believe, that of the five editions we have handled so far, this one has got to be both the toughest and the easiest. Toughest because it’s no joke to write a story which gives you both goosebumps and tickles at the same time. Easiest because in this plot, there really weren’t any story restrictions. There was ample room to build the story and sequence the events. No POV  restrictions, no tense or timeline restrictions. A whole lot of flexibility in that sense. Which is why we saw contemporary characters plotting murder, sadistic individuals conducting ‘chilling’ rituals, CBI officers investigating a robbery of a priceless jewel as well as the a whodunit involving friends, family, junior and senior policemen. So here’s a quick high level review of all 4 entries we had in order of effectiveness of the story, the impact it made while reading and the feel it left us with at the end. 

The Ritual by Janaki Nagaraj
Janaki starts with a pretty vivid description of sadistic ‘bali’ or rituals of sacrifice detailing it pretty well. And she does this without giving away the fact that she’s talking about human sacrifice. She moves to the discovery of the body and in this part, she includes a touch of humour – imagining the characters to be doing what they are – makes you smirk! The overall story flows well though the end feels a little rushed and impersonal. Throughout the story she comes back to the dead bodies by reference or imagery – through investigation or another murder and it keeps the focus on the main premise. It’s also a good attempt at trying to bring out the psychopathic nature of the individual and even though I would have liked some more insight into the mind of the psychopath, this entry does well overall as a good fast-paced story.

Poison by Medha Kapoor
(Arvind and I do not have a consensus here; in Arvind’s list Prasanna’s entry is followed by Medha’s. Nonetheless, it does not cause any conflict in the three names which would take forward the next edition, hence we have left it at that.)
Medha writes this story with flair and includes fast-paced narrative. Her modern day characters are smart, confident, suave and scheming.  She starts and ends well – and that is important. If the start is boring, one might not want to read ahead. And you do not want to be left with a let down at the end. But what’s in between is also done well. She has balanced narrative and dialogues well and you do not feel overwhelmed by any one element in particular. A little low on giving me the jeepers and inciting laughs, but done well overall.

Murder on my mind by Prasanna Rao
Prasanna’s story started on track with the discovery of the murder but through the story, the relationship between the policemen, the wife’s intent etc. overshadowed the rest of the story and took my mind away from the fact that there had been a dead body to begin with. Plus, some of the “punch” factors fell a little flat because of other events that gave them away. A little bit of re-sequencing can incite many more “wow” moments.

Murder for Integrity by Seema Gopalan.
Similar to Prasanna’s story, Seema’s story starts well with the discovery of the murder. And then the story shifts to a cat-and-mouse game between 3 members of the CBI and gangsters shifting focus entirely to the sub-story. Some more realism with respect to character reactions and expressions, imagery etc. would have been great. Relationships are described well but at certain parts, the narrative style feels a little ‘fairy-talish’ on unrealistic. Working on narrative and making it more real can help the story big time!

Of all the entries, the imagery and psychopathy (cross dressing, Bhairavi’s character sketch etc.) introduced by Janaki tilted the scales in her favour. The next two entries of Medha's and Prasanna's make the cut for the reasons mentioned above in addition to the critique comments on their posts! Congratulations to all. Over to you for the next edition!

Choosing three out of four doesn’t really make sense and doesn’t speak much in terms of entries or our judging abilities. We also do not want to be discouraging anyone who's genuinely interested. However, the judges and FFs went back and forth quite a bit about the number of winners we should be choosing. And as Suresh rightly pointed out, since these rules were made before the edition started, we would need to stick with three for this one. Changing the rules midway wouldn’t be fair and I agree. Post this edition, we should discuss to see if we need to change the number of winners depending on the number of entries, do a grading system or a ranking system instead. 

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Poison


Author : Medha Kapoor

Author Introduction: I would not call myself a writer. Or a poet. What I am is, creatively inclined. My education has nothing to do with it. It's just programmed in my genetic code. I love to read. Mostly classics and poetry. I love music. Art. Cinema. Nature. I blog about my world at http://www.medhakapoor.blogspot.in

Story:


06:05, 01/02/13

Samir shivered in the early morning chill. It was barely five minutes past six and it had taken him a humunguos effort to relinquish the warmth of his bed for a jog. Not that he needed the exercise. Or wanted it. The neighbour's teen-aged daughter had started getting insecure about her figure and he was more than ready to lend a helping hand.
'Late again', he muttered as he fixed his hair using a parked car's side mirror. 'Sexy eyes', he crooned, looking into his reflection. 'Hmmm. Handsome face', he smiled, moving back a few paces. 'Strong should...what the hell!!', something in the reflection had sent shivers down his spine. He spun around to spot the source of the horror and gasped. There, behind the car, in the narrow lane between the buildings of the compound, hung, tangled in a mesh of wires, the body of a young girl, covered in blood.
Samir stood transfixed, unable to comprehend the scene before him. Who could've done this? It was one of the most peaceful, residential areas of the town. What should he do? Calling the cops meant dealing with questions and possible accusations. But why should he be scared? He looked at the face of the young girl. The eyes, still open, looked startled, as if she too was surprised to find herself in a position like this. Dangling from a set of wires at six in the morning. On a Sunday.
Samir snapped out of his daze. He decided he shouldn't be seen in the company of a dead body so early in the morning. He was just a regular jogger, trying to score the neighbour's daughter. Satisfied with his decision, he turned on his heel and jogged away. Had he waited a few minutes he would have earned himself some interesting company.
The door of the balcony of one of the flats on the seventh floor swung open and a middle-aged man stepped out, looking bewildered. He cut a handsome figure of masculinity except for the red ladies' gown that he was wearing. He stood puzzled for a few minutes, trying to remember why he was so dressed. But a trail of blood on the floor caught his attention. He followed it to the edge of the railing, grabbed the handrail firmly, peeped down gingerly and felt the ground beneath his feet give away. The earth trembled, the sky erupted with bolts of lightning and the Sun spewed fire as Mr.Sibal let out a horrified, ear-splitting scream.
15:35, 31/01/13 (The day before.)
Kaira was having an unusually dull day at work. Two hours past lunch time and there had not been a single disgruntled tourist complaining about the facilities at the hotel, no absconding rich young lovers registering under false IDs or nubile 'models' showing up for interviews. Even her co-workers at the Concierge had kept their distance, only stealing short glances of her stocking-clad legs every now and then. She let out a small sigh and checked her phone for messages. A mischievous smile played across her well-glossed lips. Kicking off her stilletoes, she reclined back in the soothing leather of her chair, shook the loose strands of her curls out of her eyes, softly chuckling to herself as she read the conversation she had had with her best friend, Ishita. She was glad to be meeting her in the evening. Kaira and Ishita had been best friends since school but had gotten out of touch once they joined college in different parts of the country. But the weird-haired sisters of Fate conspired to land them their first jobs in the same city and there they were, innocently obeying the commands of destiny. The consulting company Ishita worked for was only minutes away from Kaira's seven-star fancy hotel workplace.
16:30, 31/01/13
The buzzing of her cell phone was driving Ishita crazy. A friend of hers had installed this instant messaging app on her chic smartphone and the pings just won't stop. But as every other gizmo owner out there, she couldn't muster the courage to expunge the perpetrator of her solace and be done with it, because, well, the world would collapse if she did not update people with the events of her day
'Ishita! That report should've reached me fifteen minutes back!', the short, squawky figure who was paid to boss around all the younger, smarter people was shouting at her.
'Sir, do you mind viewing it on my laptop instead? There seems to be some trouble with the network connections', she said as she got up, cradling the laptop in well-manicured hands. He considered telling her off for being such a technologically challenged 'girl' but decided against it as he observed her demure figure in colorful salwar-kameez walk towards her.
Ishita knew she had gotten herself into a lot of trouble. She had accidentally let spyware seep into her system while browsing certain websites. She was now afraid for the sensitive data that was stored on her hard disk.
Once back at her desk, she picked up her phone and dialed a number.
'Mr. Sibal! Hope I'm not disturbing you. Listen! I have a BIG problem. Okay...Umm...Can you come over in the evening?Thanks. Bye.'
She heaved a huge sigh of relief as she disconnected the call. Mr.Sibal was a charming, dynamic and highly resourceful man she'd come across in the in the cafe she frequented. He was around fifty, well groomed and well spoken. Theirs was a peculiar friendship. It had all started with an aqua colored fizzy drink that Mr. Sibal decided to try out in the cafe. On an impulse, she had called out,'Don't have that! Tastes like mouthwash!'. She was seated alone on a table adjacent to his. Their eyes met and they burst out laughing. 'Thank you! I think I've had my share of that this morning!', he laughed. They had ended up having a lot of aqua blue since then, just for the heck of it.
There were fifteen texts from Kaira, all concerning their plans for the evening. 'Paranoid woman!', she thought and tested her informing about the newest inclusion to their guest list. It was going to be another fun-filled Saturday evening with two of her closest friends, she mused.
20:30, 31/01/13
At the corner of the street was a shady looking store, brightly lid from the inside but very inconspicuous on the outside. It wasn't usually crowded, except for the evenings and today, being a Saturday, there was a steady stream of customers making trips to and from the store, some in cycles. As Kaira walked to the store in her fitted black dress, several hands turned to stare, many even got ready for the expected enquiry or request that could be the reason for this beautiful lady's walk towards them. Instead, she maneuvered her way to the counter and caught the attention of the vendor. 'One Smirnoff and one bottle of Chivas Regal, please', she instructed to the vendor.
On the outside, Kaira was the perfect specimen of a seductive, confident female. Inside, Kaira was seething. Anger. Jealousy. Frustration. She could not stand another evening of Mr. Sibal trying to lure Ishita away from her. The world mistook him as a polished, sophisticated man whereas he was just another twisted man vying to siphon love and affection out of her beloved Ishita. Tonight, she was going too put an end to it all. The chemical she'd laced her nail paint with, when combined with alcohol would burn a hole in his vital organs, causing him to bleed out, but slowly. Slow enough for him to take his leave and walk to the car and drive it out on the road and...poof! Kaira smiled haughtily as she observed the sheen of the painted nails under a streetlight.
21:30, 31/01/13
Laughter emanated from the hall of Ishita's seventh floor apartment. Mr. Sibal had arrived half an hour back and having solved her issue, was showing her funny cat videos on Youtube.
Ishita always had a great time with Mr. Sibal.
'You'll stay for dinner, right?', she asked, looking into his warm, brown eyes.
'Well, I'd love to. But I think the missus misses me', he winked back.
'Stay na! Even Kaira is coming over!', insisted Ishita.
Mr. Sibal's smile faded as soon as he heard her name. Kaira Kaira Kaira. Why was Ishita so blind as to not see the truth about Kaira? They say that love is blind, but, surely, Ishita could not be in love with Kaira, could she? Was she? Her too?
He was busy contemplating this mystery with a constipated look on his face when the doorbell rang and Ishita jumped to her feet and ran to get the door.
'Hi Sweetie!'
'Hello!!'
And so went the customary 'girlie' welcome with hugs and kisses.
Mr. Sibal got up to shake hands with Kaira and they stood regarding each other for a while, like opponents before a boxing bout as Ishita pranced away to the kitchen to keep the bottles.
'Hey! Ishita! Babe! Let's have a drink first!', Kaira called out to her.
'Whisky or Vodka? What's your poison?', she purred to Mr. Sibal, proceeding to walk to the kitchen.
'I won't drink, thank you', he replied back softly.
01:00, 01/02/13
'Poison, you're poison running through my veins...Poison, I don't wanna break these chains...Poison...'- blared on the music system as Ishita and Kaira danced, pretending to be rockstars. The girls had drunk themselves silly over the course of one hour and Mr. Sibal could not, in any circumstance, leave Ishita alone with Kaira. He was sitting on an armchair, watching them enjoy themselves while sweat leaked through every orifice of his body. The back pocket of his jeans vibrated with the announcement of a call. His stomach did a double leap as he saw the name on the screen.
'Shhhhhh! Quiet! It's my wife!', he screamed.
'Hello! Yes. Uhhh. I'm really sorry honey, I'm at Vikram's place, his father is unwell...', heart hammering in his ribcage, he made a mental note to explain to Vikram  about his father's many maladies.
Kaira's rage deepened as she saw him lie outright to his wife without a trace of guilt.
'Hahahahaha! Look at you stutter! I wonder who wears he pants in your house! Hahaha!', laughed Kaira, mocking eyes riveted to his.
Mr. Sibal ignored her and instead turned his attention to Ishita who was on her way to make another drink for herself.
'Good god! Enough already, Ishita! How much will you drink?'
'Hah! Okay! Well! I will not drink any more if you wear that gown of mine and give us a dance! Come on! Haha!', Ishita grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of the armchair.
'What nonsense! Ishita!', he exclaimed.
Kaira sensed an opportunity here.
'Hey! Come on! Let me fix YOU a drink instead!', she hurried over to the table to get the business done.I
Ishita had already pushed the gown over his neck and was proceeding to get his arms in.
Kaira was cat-walking towards him, her eyes on fire, firmly gripping the glass in her hand.
'Come on, drink', she cooed, her arm extending the drink to his lips.
'Drink!', chanted Ishita.
Mr. Sibal gazed at the two pairs of eyes that were staring at him and then at the glass that was being offered to him. But his hands refused to budge.
'Oh! What the hell', exclaimed Ishita as she snatched the drink from Kaira's hand and gulped it down in one go.
Kaira screamed.
Ishita was astonished.
Mr. Sibal screamed as realization hit him.
Kaira grabbed a vase from the table nearby and hit him with it. She didn't wait for him to fall unconscious before turning her head to Ishita and forcing two fingers down her throat.
'Puke Ishita! Puke!', she shouted.
Gagging, Ishita struggled to push Kaira away from her, struggled to comprehend what had just occurred.
'Puke!'
Ishita staggered to her feet. Kaira won't relinquish her hold.
'Puke!'
Ishita moved backward, tears streaming down her cheeks. Tears streaming down Kaira's cheeks.
'Puke!'
Ishita looked into Kaira's desperate face. Things were starting to get very blurry. This can't be just alcohol. She looked at the blood on Mr. Sibal's temple. What was happening? She felt a warm liquid gurgle and churn inside her. They were out in the balcony. She puked on the white marble floor. Red. Kaira was howling. The moon was full and high in the sky. But the night was foggy. Everything was blurred. Kaira was silent now. The wind was icy cold. Ishita's head swam as her eyes drooped. Kaira put her arms around her and held her as they leaned against the railing.
In one swift move, Kaira lifted her and threw her off the balcony.

Murder for Integrity


Author Name: Seema Gopalan

Author Intro: Well about me, my traits can be described in 3 words - possesive, steady and focussed. Like a true Taurean I simply want things to be get done which may be sometimes viewed as stubbornness. The good life in all it's guises appeals to me. Down to earth with a no-nonsense approach, saying what I mean with a very strong sense of values.I blog at My Endeavours

Story:

27th Jan 2013: 6:30 am
Dawn broke early in the summer months. People woke up to the sound of chirping birds or screeching alarm clocks. Some took directly to their household chores whereas wandered outside to enjoy the glorious morning sunshine. One such walker was walking his dog out. He had to go through the narrow lane leading out from his block of flats to reach the main road. Suddenly his dog stopped and started barking loudly. He wondered what caused this distraction and that his when his eyes fell on the body dangling from the mesh of cables and wires above the ground.  The body had gone limp, the eyes though they appeared flat, both in shape and color were open giving out a kind of surprised look. He looked up towards the balcony from where most likely this person jumped or slipped to his end.
He knew the next steps and immediately called the nearby police station. He was asked a few questions by the police officer in charge and then he was asked to wait till they get there and not touch anything. Soon he heard a siren which he identified as a police jeep siren followed by an ambulance. He was surrounded by a paramedics team, a forensics team, someone nearby gave a shout to cordon the area. Very soon Barricades were set-up to keep out pedestrians and curious on lookers.
 “He was with the CBI, Sir” whispered a constable to the police in charge.
“Call the CBI, ask them to send someone here to ID the body”, scream the police in charge back to the to constable. Very soon another jeep arrived and from it stepped out an individual somewhere in his late 20’s. He looked like he had a hangover. He quickly walked over to the police in charge and quickly introduced himself as Rahul
“Hi, Rahul, Come with me. Can you identify the body for us please” asked the police-in charge walking towards the body.
As they approached the area color drained out of Rahul’s face.
‘It is ..It is..’ he choked on his words”
Flashback……..2 Days Back
25th Jan 2013: 8:00 am onwards
“The pink diamond has been stolen” exclaimed Rahul clutching the day’s newspaper in his hands as he accompanied his friend Neal to get their morning coffee.
“I’ll be damned, how did that happen? I was told the museum had the most advanced security designed by some international company” replied Neal.
“Yes, with the Grand Pink Diamond Opening in about a week and the number of people it attracted the museum owners did tie-up with some international collaboration, it was kept in a special vault with a 24 hour surveillance. The security entry to the vault itself is a thumb finger-print by the manager Varun, who is the also museum owner’s son. I wonder how it was done’ said Rahul as they both strode towards the office of the CBI Inspector Danny Remo their boss.
Danny Remo, a 58 year old CBI Inspector and IPS civil servant renowned for leading the investigations into illegal mining scam and cases involving corrupt politicians- ministers.
Neal and Rahul were CBI IT Engineers who had been recruited a year back and been assigned to Danny’s team. They both were good technically but Neal was definitely the wiz. They both had great deduction and logical skills which helped them on the field and together along with Danny they had solved a couple of cases and were quite a team to be reckoned with at the bureau.
As soon as they entered Danny’s office Rahul bursted out, “Did you hear…..,”
“The pink diamond has been stolen” completed both Danny and Neal together and all three of them shared a laugh.
“Yes, I did “replied Danny coolly “and as a matter of fact, we three are going right now to the museum to get more exact details.”
The three of them raced to the elevator to get to the ground floor, got into their jeeps and drove off to the museum. They were led by the security guard to the manager’s cabin. Sitting on the chair was a somber looking elderly man and pacing the floor was a younger version of him which they correctly deduced to be his son Varun Mittal. Danny asked Varun  to walk them over yesterday’s events.
Varun mentioned that yesterday, just like any other day, he opened the museum at 9:00 am and as per routine at around 10:30 am he went into the vault to check on the pink diamond.  As the grand opening was nearing everyone were busy with the arrangements. He left at 6:00 pm for home and then today morning when he came in to check on the diamond, it was gone.
“What about surveillance tapes?”asked Neal
“They have been freezed from 10:30 pm last night to today morning” replied the son.
“And what time does security change” inquired Neal”
10:30 pm” was the reply
“Hmm, interesting muttered Neal, so someone freezed the cameras right at the time the security changed shifts. That blip that would appear when the freeze film came over would be avoided in the confusion.”
“What about the entry to the vault”, demanded Danny?
“It has to have my finger-print scan” replied Varun.
“Can you show us the vault” inquired Danny and the three of them followed Varun along the corridor to the vault which was set up very further down the museum. A cleaning lady with her supply cart was cleaning the area when Rahul impulsively went ahead and took the brush out of her hand . She shrieked while the others just stared.
He walked ahead to the small security pane glass which required the fingerprint scan and dusted around it.
“Hmmm, as I thought” muttered Rahul under his breath.
Danny immediately took the brush from Rahul and gave it back to the cleaning lady with his apologies. He told Varun  that they would send out a team here for finger-prints and other details. He also gave him his card asking him to call if he re-collected anything.
Once they were back at the bureau Danny giving an exasperated look at Rahul, “What was that all about, you almost gave the cleaning lady a heart-attack”
Without even acknowledging Danny words Rahul blurted out”Did you see the slight glue on the glass panel? Someone got Varun’s fingerprints, made a clean set and used it to get entry to the vault.  But that was not enough; they also had to get the museum’s keys which is with him all the time. We need to know if he had misplaced it any time recently.”
Rahul immediately grabbed Danny’s cell-phone and placed a call to Varun.
“Hey Varun, this is Rahul. A quick question to you , Did you misplace the museum entry keys anytime recently”
Varun  was hesitant before answering “Not really” he replied
Rahul was irritated “Think man!”
Before he could mutter out some other expletives Danny took the phone. “Varun, he said, this is really important for the case. If there is anything embarrassing we will keep it to ourselves but we need to know the answer.”
Again hesitating Varun replied” Well a few days back, a journalist had come to do a write-up on the pink diamond. I took her for the entire tour of the museum and explained to her all the security arrangements that were made. One thing led to other and I ended up taking her home at night. We drank a lot at and in the morning when I woke-up she was gone. The museum keys which are usually in my coat pocket were left on the table. I did not think of it much until you asked today.”
“What did you say her name was?” asked Danny.
“Nandini Sharma from the Herald” pat came the reply.
I am willing to bet that is a fake name muttered Rahul in the background.
David shushed him and continued the conversation” Did she provide any id?”
“No”, replied Varun sheepishly, I took her for face-value”
No doubt a very pretty face muttered Rahul again.
“Wait a minute”, said Neal. They would definitely have her on the security tapes the day she came to take the museum tour. If Varun can send us her picture I can use my PT to check her credentials”
“You’re what!” asked Rahul
“PT –Person tracking Software” replied Neal
“OH –la la , here talks the IT guru” said Rahul.
Danny gave specific instructions to Varun over the phone to send the picture to their CBI office immediately.
By lunch time Varun had send the picture across. Neal immediately got on to his PT surrounded by both Danny and Rahul and searched the database for a match. After 2 minutes his computer beeped loudly in 2 successions meaning he had got a hit
Name: Ragini Sharma
Occupation: Bar Dance, Heena Bar
“Here is our so called journalist, Lets go and talk to her at once” said Rahul. Neal immediately got up to follow
“Wait”, said Danny. Let’s think this through. Definitely she had someone give her money to get the keys and the fingerprints from Varun’s glass of drink. I don’t think she is the one to actually take the diamond. It has to be a much bigger fish. It is highly unlikely she even knows who it was. She must have just met the go-between person.
“So, what do we do”, quizzed Neal
“The holder of the pink diamond would definitely be looking out for a buyer, most likely someone from the international market. If I can convince Ragini that I am a liaison with an international party willing to throw money for rare Indian jewels, maybe I will be introduced to the bigger fish.”
“A sting operation” gleed Rahul. “Quite some time since we pulled that one, but it’s worth a try”
“So, here’s the plan, I will be the liaison with the big connections to the international parties. Neal, you have to create an alias portfolio for me, make me look a little sleazy and run wild with your technology. The alias should stand good if they do a background check. We three go to the bar and as Ragini is serving us we will have talks of exchanging precious jewels in crores of money. I will even drop a hint or two about how I wish I got the pink diamond. After some time we will act as if there has been a fall out and you two walk off shouting abuses at me. I will then convince Ragini that my deal did not work out and I need something before I get back to my bosses in 2 days. Hopefully she will take the bait and we will be in”
“Yeah, all that’s fine, but how do you know it is Ragini who will serve us at the bar. There are a lot of girls at such bars.” Said Rahul thoughtfully
“Aha, my dear Watson” I have a Plan  for that” winked Danny
“OK, Sherlock” replied Rahul
25th Jan 8:30 pm
Rahul and Neal entered Heena bar together chatting away non-stop . To an outsider they looked like 2 friends lost in their world but their eyes kept searching for Ragini. Finally Neal spotted her serving at a table, “Wow man! What a looker, no wonder poor Varun got totally screwed” he chuckled
“Eh eh,” replied Rahul
“You would rather much like the bouncer by her side.” said Neal knowing Rahul’s preferences.“So, what will you do if the Bureau and Danny came to know that you are a .well you know .you know not a ladies man!”
“I don’t think it will come to that”. There are a very few people who know and I will not worry thinking about things that will never happen “said Rahul matter of fact as he closed the topic.
They both took a seat and when they saw any other bar girl approaching the table they both ducked to the rest-rooms. After half-hour Danny walked in.
“Are, you ready boys. Let’s start. “
Rahul immediately walked over to Ragini who had just finished clearing up a table and in a very angry tone said “Me and my friends have been here for half-hour and no one has come to take our orders yet”
“Sorry sir”, she replied, “I’ll send someone there right now.”
“No” replied Rahul still in an angered tone, “You are coming with me right now to take our orders or else we are walking out” . He hoped his trick worked and she did not call out the manager to kick his butt.
But looking at him and knowing how irritated a customer gets if he has to wait for half-hour Ragini immediately walked over to their table and took their order of drinks. As she was leaving Danny placed a Rs100 note in her hand and spoke very softly.
“Dear, I would like it very much if you are the only one who attends to us today as we have very important matters to be discussed.”
The note and the voice did the trick, she felt for his ruse immediately.
She served them diligently the entire time they were there, getting their order of drinks and food.  She couldn’t help but overhear the hushed conversations pertaining about jewels, money, and some offshore bank account in Caymans. When she was serving the third round of drinks she heard Danny mention” “My party is willing to pay 10 crore for the pink diamond”.
She knew her boy-friend Joel had asked her to get an imprint of the museums keys and the glass with Varun’s fingerprints and she knew that it had something to do with the pink diamond. She also knew that Joel’s boss was looking for a buyer for a big trade and Joel would get 10% of the entire deal if it went through smoothly, but how was she to get Joel’s boss to meet with Danny.
Her thoughts were interrupted by high voices as she saw Rahul and Neal walking away hurling abuses at Danny.
As she approached Danny’s table wondering how to state her case when Danny looked up at her and said, “Dear, I am leaving this place in 2 days empty handed, not sure how my bosses will react. I don’t even know why I am telling you all this but you have been a good server. If ever you want to get out of this place, give me a call.” He handed her his card, finished off his drink and walked away.
Outside Rahul and Neal waited in their car, the three huddled together staking the bar. Soon Ragini walked out and drove away, they followed here to an apartment. She met someone outside and handed over the card which they recognized as Danny’s.  Soon she sped off in her car. The three off them also drove back to their homes. They knew their bait had worked. Now all they could do was wait.
26th Jan 2012 8:00 am
The next day all three of them met early in Danny’s office. They had routed his fake cell number on the card to his cell phone.
At 9:00 am they got a call on the fake number.
“Hello, who’s this?”, asked Danny
“Doesn’t’ matter”, replied a gruff voice , probably someone using a  voice scrambler at the other end.
“Is it true that you are looking to buy the pink diamond”
“Maybe” replied Danny at the same time giving a thumbs-up to Rahul and Neal who were patiently sitting on the edges of the chair.
“Well is it or is it not?, I do not  have much time to waste. If you are then meet me tonight 9 pm at the Taj penthouse suite and be ready to pay 10 crore“
“How do I know who I am dealing with” replied Danny
“Just meet me there” said the voice and the phone cut off.
“Now, what, “What do we do next?” exclaimed Rahul turning to Danny.
“Well, we go to the Taj and find out who is behind all this, easy peasey” said Danny
“Yeah, that’s the plan is it ?Easey peasey, how do we get 10 crore by tonight Danny?
“Ah, now that you ask, this where Neal comes in , I am sure they will ask for the amount to be transferred to a bank account. When they give me the details I will call and give the details to Neal who will then do a fake transfer of 10cr to the account. Once the transfer is completed and I get my hands on the pink diamond I will walk out of there with everything captured on my mobile camera. We can arrest them the next day”
“Why not arrest them there itself.” exclaimed Rahul
“Well, because I cannot carry my revolver when I go inside, they are going to check me and if I arrest them there they will turn me into a pulp.” replied Danny
“Yeah true” muttered Neal, we will have to do it the next day. “Let me get the software for the fake transfer up.”
26th Jan 2012 9:00 pm
Danny walked into the Taj hotel. Rahul and Neal were waiting for him outside. At the reception he asked to go to the penthouse. Immediately a guard was called who escorted him all the way to the top suite. As soon as he stepped outside there were armed bodyguards who did a thorough search on him. He was then led into the suite. Danny was a little nervous, he usually did not do sting operations and he did not know who was at the other end.
He walked in through the door and there sitting on the chair was Raj Nayak, the nephew of the politician Shri Nayak.He had heard about Raj’s shady scams before , after all he was always under the protection of his corrupt uncle.
“We heard you are looking for the pink diamond, IS that true?” asked Raj
“Yes, Sir” said Danny trying to be in character
“As per our deal transfer 10 crore to our bank amount and the stone is yours”
“But Sir, I need to see it first”. Raj signaled one of his guards who went inside and got the diamond. After inspections were made Danny said he had to call his assistant to get the money transferred. He made the call to Neal with the bank account number and routing number, who immediately activated his software which would show a credit of the amount into the bank account.
On his end once Raj was satisfied the amount was transferred he gave the pink diamond to Danny who immediately left from the scene. As soon as elevator touched the ground floor he heard his cell ringing.
“The software crashed,  if they check their account again they are no longer going to see the credited amounted” screamed Neal, “Get out of there fast”
Danny ran through the front exit as he heard loud noises from the top. He knew their game was up. He rushed out. Rahul and Neal got the car at the front entrance. He got in and Rahul stepped on the accelerator. They had 2 cars following them. As Rahul took them through narrow lanes and streets Danny updated them with the rendezvous details. After about an hour Rahul knew he had definitely lost them, he dropped the other two at their house with Danny confirming they would be making the arrest the next day as he had everything on camera.
26th Jan 2012 11:30 pm
Sleep evaded Rahul and so he poured himself a drink, he was very excited about making the arrest the next day. In the middle of his 2nd drink he got a call “Rahul beta, got some time to talk” a voice drawled on the other end”
“Who’s this” Rahul asked”
“It is The Shri Nayak beta”.Oh jeez the thugs  must have got his license plates and tracked down his details.
“Now, I know what sting you and your friends from the CBI played today, what I don’t know is how many and who were the others, so what I want you to do beta is for you and your friends to forget about this sting, return the pink diamond to the museum and forget about all this jamela”
“And why would I do that” asked Rahul already disgusted by his tone.
“Well, for one beta I will be giving you 1 crore to share with your friends na”
“Money is not going to buy me Sir, sorry, Please keep the phone now and we will arrest your nephew tomorrow” said Rahul
“Oh ok you young  blood fellas, I was hoping to not send pictures of you and your lover to the CBI office and your parents. Wonder what your senior officers will have to say? Will they even want to keep you in the organization, Think about it beta and let me know. Jai Hind”
The color drained out of Rahul’s face. He could not afford the organization and his family knowing of his secret. A secret that he never wanted to come out. What would he do now? He would have to convince Neal and Danny to shut this case offhand”
Neal was his college friend and he had known him for the past 6 years now. He would understand. He immediately called Neal and told him about the threat he had received. Initially hesitant Neal decided to do what Rahul wanted.
“It would be difficult to convince Danny” said Neal. “He has been working for 15 years in the organization and he is a honest guy”
“Well, I will just have to take my chances” said Rahul
“What is he does not agree, then what” asked Neal
“Well, we will have to eliminate him out of the picture, isn’t it?, said a very drunk Rahul
“Don’t do anything on impulse” cautioned his friend as he kept the phone.

Present Day
“It is …It is Neal” said Rahul. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he thought about last night.
After talking to Neal , Rahul drove over to Danny’s house to tell him of the threat and to try and convince Danny somehow to keep all this under wraps. Initially Danny was hesitant but when Rahul mentioned about the 1 crore Danny softened. He had been a hardworking officer for the past 15 years with not much savings to show. His only daughter wanted to study International Law and he had no means of providing for her for her studies abroad. It was at this time that Rahul got a call from Neal  who was having second thoughts . Neal reflected about the oath he had taken when he joined CBI to serve the country and the organization with honesty, dedication and integrity and he did not want to be a part of this.
Rahul decided to stop over at Neal’s to convince him. Neal was sitting in the balcony enjoying the cool breeze when Rahul came over. He tried to convince Neal but their clashing thoughts led to a heated argument and Rahul being the impulsive kind pushed Neal over the balcony. He immediately regretted and ran down the 3 storey stairs thinking his friend must have broken a leg or two. That is when he saw that Neal did not fall down but got caught in the mesh of ropes and cables and one of them went right though his neck sucking the life out of him.