Friday, 9 November 2012

Second Edition Feedback - Deepa


Congratulations to Radha Sawana, Medha Kapoor and Leo for clinching the top three titles, in that order. Let me talk about these posts specifically.
My first thoughts as I started with Radha’s post were highly skeptical. Introducing Hindu mythology in an American prison setting is a huge gamble and if not done right, the whole thing has the potential to blow up in your face. But this one didn’t, the incorporation of mythology and the effect it has on the protagonist were flawless. That one alone becomes the WOW in this case. Radha goes on to deliver some very well timed sucker punches and keeps the reader wanting for more. You pause to catch your breath when the story takes a pause. Clear winner there!
Moving on to Medha’s post. One of the few posts from Billy’s perspective. Medha’s post had issues with use of tenses. The ending could have been a little more crisper and punch-packed. However, the positives in her post far outweigh the negatives. Her smooth narratives, flawless conversations and highly convincing characters place her clearly in the winning league.
And finally there’s Leo. With a really evil villain, a very graphic rape scene and the brilliant rendition in first voice, Leo’s entry left a lingering sense of empathizing with Bruce long after reading the post. Our only major complaint was for the death scene to have had more emotion!
The next few entries were among the stronger ones in the running.
Rajrupa:
Her WOW: The prior link between Billy and Bruce. Very innovative.
Irritant: Minor language flaws, editing.
The Fool:
His WOW: Perfectly placed song lines alternating with text, each part lending context. Religion.
Irritant: Tenses in first voice rendition.
Suresh:
His WOW: Vivid imagery. Blood, fights, rape scene, all of those.
Irritant: Character descriptions and more conviction for deviations.
Jayashree:
Her WOW: Bruce’s first encounter with Billy. Disgusting brilliant. Her sucker-punch lines.
Irritant: I am sure Sandy would ask for an ending with more punch, I pick editing.
Nabanita:
Her WOW: Her ability to create empathy
Irritant: Character inconsistency.

For the remaining entries, the detailed feedback on each of their posts would work best.
With this, we now move to Edition 3 of the workshop! May the games begin!

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We love polite people but it is not necessary to be so polite that you will not even point out where we go wrong :) Please feel free to voice your constructive criticism.