Saturday, 29 June 2013

The Spirit of the Haunted Chest

Author Name: Seema Gopalan

Author Intro: Well about me, my traits can be described in 3 words - possessive, steady and focused. Like a true Taurean I simply want things to be get done which may be sometimes viewed as stubbornness. The good life in all it's guises appeals to me. Down to earth with a no-nonsense approach, saying what I mean with a very strong sense of values.I blog at My Endeavors
Word Count: 2525

Story

The night was dark gloomy dusky and silent. All around the tall trees looked like they were dressed in their own shadows. Moss dripped from the sickly dark trees like decayed flesh. Every branch held the promise of something dark, gray and slavering for blood. Even the wildlife held its breath, seemingly sharing my fear. Every tree in this thickly forested, misty and light less glade seemed to hide some ghastly secret or ghoul. Even the wind in the boughs sounded thin, sickly and fearful. I couldn’t hear anything apart from my footsteps and the one behind me.
It was by sheer luck a year ago that Jamal occupied the prison cell with me. He was very soft spoken and kept to himself most of the time. He was in for assault but his demeanor told otherwise. He was alone most of the times, keeping a distance from everyone, only his shifty eyes could be seen noticing and grasping everything. Being a blacksmith’s son and knowing much about the trade he got to work in the prison’s sheet metal shop. The only other time I saw him apart from my cell was during the gym session. I , myself was quite a veteran around the prison cell , on first name basis with almost all the guards and also sort of a mini leader among the inmates. One day in the gym as Jamal was doing his exercises I saw something shining brightly in his waistcoat and knew immediately it was a pocket knife. Nearby one of the guards was suspicious and came towards him, I immediately distracted the guard with small talk.
Later in our cell,
“Hey, Jamal! You idiot, you would have been caught today if it were not for me! What are you trying to do with the pocket knife?”
“None of your business Baban”
“To hell with you, tell me immediately or else I will inform the guard”
That statement did the trick, he was spitting everything out. He first and foremost sworn me to secrecy and then told of his plan to escape. He was creating a duplicate key to the back door of the gym. Beyond that there was a perimeter fence that would have to be cut through (hence the pocket-knife) and then we would have to scale the prison wall. If we got a good headstart it was very unlikely we would get caught. I was stunned beyond words when I heard of this stupendous escape. I already started visualizing myself walking freely in my village.
“How will you get the impression of the key to make a duplicate” I asked
“Not to worry, I am making a set of keys. One of them will definitely work” replied Jamal coolly
From then on me and Jamal were inseparable. I severed my ties with the others and stuck to him like glue. After the keep-fit session in the gym, there was one hour where the prisoners would chat and laze around. For quite a few weeks now me and Jamal had formed a routine to sit near the back exit door and chat. Initial few weeks one or two guards looked at us suspiciously but later on they never even bothered to come so back in the gym. We were left on our own for most part of the time. One fine day we decided to put our plan into action and after trying out a few keys we walked out through the back door. Our adrenaline pumping high we managed to scale the wall and were out in the dark forest. Now that I was away from my confined security I was shivering with fear of the consequences, of being caught, of being dragged back into prison and out in the dark hole. Jamal, on the other hand was quite composed in his stature. Not far away I could see a fort, the whole ordeal had tired me and the eerie forest was not adding to my already wildly beating heart.
“Hey Jamal, there is a fort out there, let’s take some rest”
“No, we should keep going, we can still be apprehended”
“Come on, let’s rest for the night, get some sleep, recharge ourselves and we will head out first thing tomorrow morning.”
*****
I was fed up with Baban’s non-stop chattering and also his tagging along with me. I curse the day when he saved me from the guard and in a split second of indecision I spilled my guts out to him. Then on, he stuck like a leech, talking about his village, his child-hood friends, the temples, the devas, asuras. I wish I had a solo escape from the prison. His talking gives me a splitting headache that rips through my mind like gale- driven thunder and lightning. The place that he had pointed out just now stood alone on a hill, a gaunt and crackly relic of an old Victorian architecture (built by the British perhaps). It was dingy grey, paint –flaked and neglected and its brickwork crumbling away. The path to the door was overgrown with bushes and it looked an ideal place to spend the night.
On Baban’s insistence we slowly and steadily climbed the hill and crept inside the door. Once inside I glanced around nervously at the portraits staring at me from behind layers of dust, seemingly penetrating my very being. Cold hesitant moon light streamed in through cracked windows casting eerie shadows on walls. The ceilings were covered with cobwebs hanging upside down. There were stairs running in two directions. The floorboard creaked as we went up the stairs.
At the top of the landing there was a locked room. Maybe there was some treasure inside the room, why else would it remain locked I wondered intent on picking the lock. On realizing my intent
“No Jamal, don’t mess with all that! Let’s just take some rest in this room here, waha pe Bhoot-Preth will be there”
“Keep quiet Baban, there is no such thing as bhoot-preth”, How I wished one of the booth came out and eat him alive. Good riddance!
Finally one of the keys clicked and I could open the lock. A cold gush swept through my body as I placed my hand on the knob. The huge iron black door creaked and slammed against the wall as I pushed it. The room was quite dark but a tiny ray of moonlight trickled in and circled lazily on the candle stand. If it were to somehow spring back to life it would illuminate a scene of utter emptiness and desolation. The threadbare carpet played host to nothing but an old stuffed chair, a table and a heavy wooden chest on it. The chair had last supported the weight of a living person half a century ago. Now it held only the dry and leafy skin and bones of a corpse - its rotting face frozen in a silent scream, and its thin and bony fingers buried in the holes it tore into the fabric of the chair in the final agonizing moments of life. Nothing else. Even the flies had deserted this corpse.
****
Jamal’s behavior always frightened me a little. He hardly spoke about his childhood or friends or of anything else. I pleaded with him not to open the room as I had heard all sort of stories from my grandfather. In olden days kings would perform puja and trap evil spirits in chambers which were never to be opened. But he had gone ahead and now we were in this darkened room. I swear as soon as the room was opened I could hear a ghastly laugh like rattling chains rising from the shattered floorboards to the ancient cobweb strewn ceiling, and echoing around the stained and crumbling walls. There was also a skeleton in the chair, it looks like he was the guardian of the chest. I should have not asked to stop for rest, I will not be able to sleep a wink in here. Suddenly something brushed on the backside of my neck, when I turned there was no one.
“Ja…Jamal, was that you”
“ME what?”
“Did you just brush your hands against my neck?”
“Ha..ha, why would I do that”, Come here and help me open this chest. Let’s hope there is some treasure in here”
“No Jamal, as it is you have opened the door, let the chest be as-is. You don’t understand the work of spirits. I can smell death in the air.”
****
I ignored Baban and walked over to the beautifully designed wooden chest kept on the table. I was going to find what was in there. If I was lucky to break from prison I might be lucky to find some piece of jewel which I can sell and live comfortably. I was very impressed with the neat trick that I did with the back of my hands. Baban was petrified. The look on his face indicated he had seen some spirit. What fun it would be to mess with him.
“Baban, come here! Help me in opening this”
“No Jamal, I want nothing to do with it” said Baban and sat in one corner of the wall hugging both his legs, neck shifting from end to end as if he wanted to be the first to know of any unknown presence. The chest was unlocked, it only had 2 latches on either side that were clasped tightly shut. Unlocking the clasps I had to use both my hands to push the heavy chest open. As I slowly opened the box a cool wind enveloped me starting from my feet and a stale odor filled the surrounding air. In the chest I found tatters of some royal clothes, a man’s armor and vest, a sword and a brightly shining jeweled crown lying in the corner. Ah! Had I struck gold here, I thought picking up the crown. It would definitely be worth a fortune with the rubies and the diamond still embedded in it. I put it back in the chest before it caught Baban’s eye and shut it with a bang.
The loud bang got Baban’s attention.
“Let’s sleep here for the night”, “Morning we can resume travel”.
I was already scheming to somehow leave Baban here and make my escape with the precious crown.
“Nah, you go to bed. I am not getting good vibes here. I’ll keep watch as it is I am getting too spooked here”
“It was you who wanted to rest in the first place” I informed him. But then contemplated that this way I could take rest now, decide to keep watch in the 2nd phase and make my escape alone. This notion pleased me a lot and dusting one side of the room I laid down.
I had hardly slept a wink when I was shaken awake by a pair of strong shivering hands.
“Do..Do you hear that Jamal?” asked Baban glancing nervously all around the room.
I rubbed my sleep induced eye-lids wearily as my eyes got accustomed to the darkness.
“Hear what Baban, What is it now?”
“The sound of anklets, someone is walking around in this room”
“Now Baban, you have really lost it. Get some sleep , your body is tired and needs rest, your mind is playing games with you”
Suddenly out of nowhere my ears picked up the sound of tinkling anklets. My first thought was of Baban now playing tricks on me. But that was not possible as he had been sitting right next to me until a minute ago. I quickly flashed my torchlight around but he was nowhere to be seen. Did he just outsmart me and run away with the crown. Angered I walked over to the chest to check it’s contents. Something caught my leg and I tripped and fell my flashlight thrown in one corner casting eerie shadows all over the place. I bent to pick my flashlight and that is when I saw Baban lying down on the floor dead as a doornail. His eye was wide open in shock or was it surprise as if he had seen a ghost.
As these thoughts wandered in my head I quickly ran to the chest, picked up the crown and decided to flee from this place. As I neared the door I again felt the presence of something cold enveloping me starting right at my feet and getting higher. An eerie high pitched scream filled the room and then a lady’s voice echoed “ Kaha tha maine…Kaha tha maine raja se…sandook khula toh mar dalungi” ending with a soul shattering laugh. I knew I was doomed as soon as the echo stopped. Baban was right, I should not have opened the chest or this chamber. There were evil spirits around who were guarding the chest. The opening of the chest caused them to come out and haunt and kill whoever did that. Suddenly I was grabbed by the neck and struck once in my neck.
****
Jamal lay in a pool of his own blood. I slowly bend and picked the jeweled crown from his hands. It was good that I had picked the sword from the chest while he was asleep. My intention was never to kill him. I blame it on the atmosphere in this place and especially the corpse sitting in the chair that gave me a tinkling in my hands that had not murdered for long. Finding the precious crown in the chest was the icing on the cake. I knew I had to have it even if it meant murder. I had to act my part of a nonchalant fool to perfection. I had to even control my urges to not stare blatantly at the precious crown when Jamal took it out from the chest for the first time. Truth be told it was Jamal with his hand brushing against my neck that gave me the idea of trying out the spirits in the room idea on him. The stones that I had innocently picked up on or way here when clattered on the floor gave the sound of tinkling anklets which sounded genuine even to my ears. All I had to do was to play my cards to perfection. I first awoke him with a scared story of hearing something, then actually make the sound effect and moved away to act my own part of being dead. I knew his interest would only be in securing the crown and he would not care to see if I was still breathing. The darkness in the room also helped as I knew I was visible only when the flash-light was directly positioned on me. Jamal, the total non-believer in spirits was so spooked by my facial expression that he totally fell for my game and did not even put up a resistance when I grabbed him from behind and plunged the sword in his neck. Baba would have been proud of my perfect voice rendition to that of a revenge seeking aatma.
I scooped my belongings, laid one last look at Jamal’s lifeless body and left the place forever.

7 comments:

  1. A wonderful twist in the end. Detailed description. But, how did he ever make a lady's voice? A nice attempt.

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  2. This was nice. I liked how you nicely sketched the characters of the two thieves. And it was indeed an interesting twist in the tale. One small issue though when you have multiple points of view is when you have one character having something up his sleeve and he deceives the reader as well, it feels contrived and reader tends to feel cheated.

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  3. I liked it. Probably among one of the better entries. However I felt that the jump from the beautiful first paragraph to the second was abrupt. But then you picked it up well.

    Also I felt exactly the same as TF describes. For e.g. when Baban speaks -
    "Ja…Jamal, was that you”
    “ME what?”
    “Did you just brush your hands against my neck?”
    “Ha..ha, why would I do that”, Come here and help me open this chest. Let’s hope there is some treasure in here”
    “No Jamal, as it is you have opened the door, let the chest be as-is. You don’t understand the work of spirits. I can smell death in the air.”......

    You could have included this portion in Jamal's POV and not in Baban's. The reader doesnt like to be cheated in a first person POV.

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  4. Thanks all.
    @JAnu - I mentioned one line that baba would have been proud of his voice redention implying he was taught(did not want to add more details)
    @The Fool, @Rajrupa --I did not understand what you meant when you say --The reader feels cheated.
    Rajrup has explained with the example so I am interpretting that since it is a First person POV the person himself should tell what he did.
    I thought it would add to the suspense.

    Honestly the twist just came last minute. I always intended it to be some spirit but being a non-believer I just could not imagine anything and so came up with this.

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    Replies
    1. Well, Seema - Generally story proceeds from a point of view. So if something is a secret to the reader, usually it will be a secret to the character as well. But if character knows something and purposely keeps it secret from the reader and then pulls like a rabbit out of the hat, the reader feels he has been taken for a ride.

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  5. Hi Seema

    I really loved your entry.

    For one it kept me intrigued throughout and at no place was it boring or dragging.

    The first paragraph set the mood with a bang and the story seemed to move at a perfect pace.

    The twist at the end was unexpected and simply superb.

    Also since you have mentioned Baban's fears more in dialogue format we can assume he was trying to deceive Jamal and so I actually did not feel that cheated as a reader.

    No major grammatical errors.

    One thing you can avoid is usage of Hindi in your English story. If you think that, it makes it more realistic, then mention it in Italics and include the translation in brackets.

    Otherwise quite a well penned story. I really liked it.

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  6. Thanks Jaish :) I know it's late

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