Fifth Round Feedback - Deepa

Please note: The below is an overall feedback post bringing all stories together. The points of view are solely my own.

Reviewing is easy. We call it as we see it. Judging on the other hand is extremely difficult – and I am not going to say it was easy for me or pretend that I have done a good job. I do hope that the critiquing comments left for each post

a. Make sense in the context.

b. Turn out to be helpful for the writer.

In no way are they intended to discourage anybody, they are only my humble attempts at pointing out what I think needs improvement in the story. Also, that does not mean that I am an expert.

Now, coming to the edition itself, I believe, that of the five editions we have handled so far, this one has got to be both the toughest and the easiest. Toughest because it’s no joke to write a story which gives you both goosebumps and tickles at the same time. Easiest because in this plot, there really weren’t any story restrictions. There was ample room to build the story and sequence the events. No POV  restrictions, no tense or timeline restrictions. A whole lot of flexibility in that sense. Which is why we saw contemporary characters plotting murder, sadistic individuals conducting ‘chilling’ rituals, CBI officers investigating a robbery of a priceless jewel as well as the a whodunit involving friends, family, junior and senior policemen. So here’s a quick high level review of all 4 entries we had in order of effectiveness of the story, the impact it made while reading and the feel it left us with at the end. 

The Ritual by Janaki Nagaraj

Janaki starts with a pretty vivid description of sadistic ‘bali’ or rituals of sacrifice detailing it pretty well. And she does this without giving away the fact that she’s talking about human sacrifice. She moves to the discovery of the body and in this part, she includes a touch of humour – imagining the characters to be doing what they are – makes you smirk! The overall story flows well though the end feels a little rushed and impersonal. Throughout the story she comes back to the dead bodies by reference or imagery – through investigation or another murder and it keeps the focus on the main premise. It’s also a good attempt at trying to bring out the psychopathic nature of the individual and even though I would have liked some more insight into the mind of the psychopath, this entry does well overall as a good fast-paced story.

Poison by Medha Kapoor

(Arvind and I do not have a consensus here; in Arvind’s list Prasanna’s entry is followed by Medha’s. Nonetheless, it does not cause any conflict in the three names which would take forward the next edition, hence we have left it at that.)

Medha writes this story with flair and includes fast-paced narrative. Her modern day characters are smart, confident, suave and scheming.  She starts and ends well – and that is important. If the start is boring, one might not want to read ahead. And you do not want to be left with a let down at the end. But what’s in between is also done well. She has balanced narrative and dialogues well and you do not feel overwhelmed by any one element in particular. A little low on giving me the jeepers and inciting laughs, but done well overall.

Murder on my mind by Prasanna Rao

Prasanna’s story started on track with the discovery of the murder but through the story, the relationship between the policemen, the wife’s intent etc. overshadowed the rest of the story and took my mind away from the fact that there had been a dead body to begin with. Plus, some of the “punch” factors fell a little flat because of other events that gave them away. A little bit of re-sequencing can incite many more “wow” moments.

Murder for Integrity by Seema Gopalan.

Similar to Prasanna’s story, Seema’s story starts well with the discovery of the murder. And then the story shifts to a cat-and-mouse game between 3 members of the CBI and gangsters shifting focus entirely to the sub-story. Some more realism with respect to character reactions and expressions, imagery etc. would have been great. Relationships are described well but at certain parts, the narrative style feels a little ‘fairy-talish’ on unrealistic. Working on narrative and making it more real can help the story big time!

Of all the entries, the imagery and psychopathy (cross dressing, Bhairavi’s character sketch etc.) introduced by Janaki tilted the scales in her favour. The next two entries of Medha's and Prasanna's make the cut for the reasons mentioned above in addition to the critique comments on their posts! Congratulations to all. Over to you for the next edition!

Choosing three out of four doesn’t really make sense and doesn’t speak much in terms of entries or our judging abilities. We also do not want to be discouraging anyone who's genuinely interested. However, the judges and FFs went back and forth quite a bit about the number of winners we should be choosing. And as Suresh rightly pointed out, since these rules were made before the edition started, we would need to stick with three for this one. Changing the rules midway wouldn’t be fair and I agree. Post this edition, we should discuss to see if we need to change the number of winners depending on the number of entries, do a grading system or a ranking system instead.