Sunday, 3 March 2013

Murder for Integrity


Author Name: Seema Gopalan

Author Intro: Well about me, my traits can be described in 3 words - possesive, steady and focussed. Like a true Taurean I simply want things to be get done which may be sometimes viewed as stubbornness. The good life in all it's guises appeals to me. Down to earth with a no-nonsense approach, saying what I mean with a very strong sense of values.I blog at My Endeavours

Story:

27th Jan 2013: 6:30 am
Dawn broke early in the summer months. People woke up to the sound of chirping birds or screeching alarm clocks. Some took directly to their household chores whereas wandered outside to enjoy the glorious morning sunshine. One such walker was walking his dog out. He had to go through the narrow lane leading out from his block of flats to reach the main road. Suddenly his dog stopped and started barking loudly. He wondered what caused this distraction and that his when his eyes fell on the body dangling from the mesh of cables and wires above the ground.  The body had gone limp, the eyes though they appeared flat, both in shape and color were open giving out a kind of surprised look. He looked up towards the balcony from where most likely this person jumped or slipped to his end.
He knew the next steps and immediately called the nearby police station. He was asked a few questions by the police officer in charge and then he was asked to wait till they get there and not touch anything. Soon he heard a siren which he identified as a police jeep siren followed by an ambulance. He was surrounded by a paramedics team, a forensics team, someone nearby gave a shout to cordon the area. Very soon Barricades were set-up to keep out pedestrians and curious on lookers.
 “He was with the CBI, Sir” whispered a constable to the police in charge.
“Call the CBI, ask them to send someone here to ID the body”, scream the police in charge back to the to constable. Very soon another jeep arrived and from it stepped out an individual somewhere in his late 20’s. He looked like he had a hangover. He quickly walked over to the police in charge and quickly introduced himself as Rahul
“Hi, Rahul, Come with me. Can you identify the body for us please” asked the police-in charge walking towards the body.
As they approached the area color drained out of Rahul’s face.
‘It is ..It is..’ he choked on his words”
Flashback……..2 Days Back
25th Jan 2013: 8:00 am onwards
“The pink diamond has been stolen” exclaimed Rahul clutching the day’s newspaper in his hands as he accompanied his friend Neal to get their morning coffee.
“I’ll be damned, how did that happen? I was told the museum had the most advanced security designed by some international company” replied Neal.
“Yes, with the Grand Pink Diamond Opening in about a week and the number of people it attracted the museum owners did tie-up with some international collaboration, it was kept in a special vault with a 24 hour surveillance. The security entry to the vault itself is a thumb finger-print by the manager Varun, who is the also museum owner’s son. I wonder how it was done’ said Rahul as they both strode towards the office of the CBI Inspector Danny Remo their boss.
Danny Remo, a 58 year old CBI Inspector and IPS civil servant renowned for leading the investigations into illegal mining scam and cases involving corrupt politicians- ministers.
Neal and Rahul were CBI IT Engineers who had been recruited a year back and been assigned to Danny’s team. They both were good technically but Neal was definitely the wiz. They both had great deduction and logical skills which helped them on the field and together along with Danny they had solved a couple of cases and were quite a team to be reckoned with at the bureau.
As soon as they entered Danny’s office Rahul bursted out, “Did you hear…..,”
“The pink diamond has been stolen” completed both Danny and Neal together and all three of them shared a laugh.
“Yes, I did “replied Danny coolly “and as a matter of fact, we three are going right now to the museum to get more exact details.”
The three of them raced to the elevator to get to the ground floor, got into their jeeps and drove off to the museum. They were led by the security guard to the manager’s cabin. Sitting on the chair was a somber looking elderly man and pacing the floor was a younger version of him which they correctly deduced to be his son Varun Mittal. Danny asked Varun  to walk them over yesterday’s events.
Varun mentioned that yesterday, just like any other day, he opened the museum at 9:00 am and as per routine at around 10:30 am he went into the vault to check on the pink diamond.  As the grand opening was nearing everyone were busy with the arrangements. He left at 6:00 pm for home and then today morning when he came in to check on the diamond, it was gone.
“What about surveillance tapes?”asked Neal
“They have been freezed from 10:30 pm last night to today morning” replied the son.
“And what time does security change” inquired Neal”
“10:30 pm” was the reply
“Hmm, interesting muttered Neal, so someone freezed the cameras right at the time the security changed shifts. That blip that would appear when the freeze film came over would be avoided in the confusion.”
“What about the entry to the vault”, demanded Danny?
“It has to have my finger-print scan” replied Varun.
“Can you show us the vault” inquired Danny and the three of them followed Varun along the corridor to the vault which was set up very further down the museum. A cleaning lady with her supply cart was cleaning the area when Rahul impulsively went ahead and took the brush out of her hand . She shrieked while the others just stared.
He walked ahead to the small security pane glass which required the fingerprint scan and dusted around it.
“Hmmm, as I thought” muttered Rahul under his breath.
Danny immediately took the brush from Rahul and gave it back to the cleaning lady with his apologies. He told Varun  that they would send out a team here for finger-prints and other details. He also gave him his card asking him to call if he re-collected anything.
Once they were back at the bureau Danny giving an exasperated look at Rahul, “What was that all about, you almost gave the cleaning lady a heart-attack”
Without even acknowledging Danny words Rahul blurted out”Did you see the slight glue on the glass panel? Someone got Varun’s fingerprints, made a clean set and used it to get entry to the vault.  But that was not enough; they also had to get the museum’s keys which is with him all the time. We need to know if he had misplaced it any time recently.”
Rahul immediately grabbed Danny’s cell-phone and placed a call to Varun.
“Hey Varun, this is Rahul. A quick question to you , Did you misplace the museum entry keys anytime recently”
Varun  was hesitant before answering “Not really” he replied
Rahul was irritated “Think man!”
Before he could mutter out some other expletives Danny took the phone. “Varun, he said, this is really important for the case. If there is anything embarrassing we will keep it to ourselves but we need to know the answer.”
Again hesitating Varun replied” Well a few days back, a journalist had come to do a write-up on the pink diamond. I took her for the entire tour of the museum and explained to her all the security arrangements that were made. One thing led to other and I ended up taking her home at night. We drank a lot at and in the morning when I woke-up she was gone. The museum keys which are usually in my coat pocket were left on the table. I did not think of it much until you asked today.”
“What did you say her name was?” asked Danny.
“Nandini Sharma from the Herald” pat came the reply.
I am willing to bet that is a fake name muttered Rahul in the background.
David shushed him and continued the conversation” Did she provide any id?”
“No”, replied Varun sheepishly, I took her for face-value”
No doubt a very pretty face muttered Rahul again.
“Wait a minute”, said Neal. They would definitely have her on the security tapes the day she came to take the museum tour. If Varun can send us her picture I can use my PT to check her credentials”
“You’re what!” asked Rahul
“PT –Person tracking Software” replied Neal
“OH –la la , here talks the IT guru” said Rahul.
Danny gave specific instructions to Varun over the phone to send the picture to their CBI office immediately.
By lunch time Varun had send the picture across. Neal immediately got on to his PT surrounded by both Danny and Rahul and searched the database for a match. After 2 minutes his computer beeped loudly in 2 successions meaning he had got a hit
Name: Ragini Sharma
Occupation: Bar Dance, Heena Bar
“Here is our so called journalist, Lets go and talk to her at once” said Rahul. Neal immediately got up to follow
“Wait”, said Danny. Let’s think this through. Definitely she had someone give her money to get the keys and the fingerprints from Varun’s glass of drink. I don’t think she is the one to actually take the diamond. It has to be a much bigger fish. It is highly unlikely she even knows who it was. She must have just met the go-between person.
“So, what do we do”, quizzed Neal
“The holder of the pink diamond would definitely be looking out for a buyer, most likely someone from the international market. If I can convince Ragini that I am a liaison with an international party willing to throw money for rare Indian jewels, maybe I will be introduced to the bigger fish.”
“A sting operation” gleed Rahul. “Quite some time since we pulled that one, but it’s worth a try”
“So, here’s the plan, I will be the liaison with the big connections to the international parties. Neal, you have to create an alias portfolio for me, make me look a little sleazy and run wild with your technology. The alias should stand good if they do a background check. We three go to the bar and as Ragini is serving us we will have talks of exchanging precious jewels in crores of money. I will even drop a hint or two about how I wish I got the pink diamond. After some time we will act as if there has been a fall out and you two walk off shouting abuses at me. I will then convince Ragini that my deal did not work out and I need something before I get back to my bosses in 2 days. Hopefully she will take the bait and we will be in”
“Yeah, all that’s fine, but how do you know it is Ragini who will serve us at the bar. There are a lot of girls at such bars.” Said Rahul thoughtfully
“Aha, my dear Watson” I have a Plan  for that” winked Danny
“OK, Sherlock” replied Rahul
25th Jan 8:30 pm
Rahul and Neal entered Heena bar together chatting away non-stop . To an outsider they looked like 2 friends lost in their world but their eyes kept searching for Ragini. Finally Neal spotted her serving at a table, “Wow man! What a looker, no wonder poor Varun got totally screwed” he chuckled
“Eh eh,” replied Rahul
“You would rather much like the bouncer by her side.” said Neal knowing Rahul’s preferences.“So, what will you do if the Bureau and Danny came to know that you are a .well you know .you know not a ladies man!”
“I don’t think it will come to that”. There are a very few people who know and I will not worry thinking about things that will never happen “said Rahul matter of fact as he closed the topic.
They both took a seat and when they saw any other bar girl approaching the table they both ducked to the rest-rooms. After half-hour Danny walked in.
“Are, you ready boys. Let’s start. “
Rahul immediately walked over to Ragini who had just finished clearing up a table and in a very angry tone said “Me and my friends have been here for half-hour and no one has come to take our orders yet”
“Sorry sir”, she replied, “I’ll send someone there right now.”
“No” replied Rahul still in an angered tone, “You are coming with me right now to take our orders or else we are walking out” . He hoped his trick worked and she did not call out the manager to kick his butt.
But looking at him and knowing how irritated a customer gets if he has to wait for half-hour Ragini immediately walked over to their table and took their order of drinks. As she was leaving Danny placed a Rs100 note in her hand and spoke very softly.
“Dear, I would like it very much if you are the only one who attends to us today as we have very important matters to be discussed.”
The note and the voice did the trick, she felt for his ruse immediately.
She served them diligently the entire time they were there, getting their order of drinks and food.  She couldn’t help but overhear the hushed conversations pertaining about jewels, money, and some offshore bank account in Caymans. When she was serving the third round of drinks she heard Danny mention” “My party is willing to pay 10 crore for the pink diamond”.
She knew her boy-friend Joel had asked her to get an imprint of the museums keys and the glass with Varun’s fingerprints and she knew that it had something to do with the pink diamond. She also knew that Joel’s boss was looking for a buyer for a big trade and Joel would get 10% of the entire deal if it went through smoothly, but how was she to get Joel’s boss to meet with Danny.
Her thoughts were interrupted by high voices as she saw Rahul and Neal walking away hurling abuses at Danny.
As she approached Danny’s table wondering how to state her case when Danny looked up at her and said, “Dear, I am leaving this place in 2 days empty handed, not sure how my bosses will react. I don’t even know why I am telling you all this but you have been a good server. If ever you want to get out of this place, give me a call.” He handed her his card, finished off his drink and walked away.
Outside Rahul and Neal waited in their car, the three huddled together staking the bar. Soon Ragini walked out and drove away, they followed here to an apartment. She met someone outside and handed over the card which they recognized as Danny’s.  Soon she sped off in her car. The three off them also drove back to their homes. They knew their bait had worked. Now all they could do was wait.
26th Jan 2012 8:00 am
The next day all three of them met early in Danny’s office. They had routed his fake cell number on the card to his cell phone.
At 9:00 am they got a call on the fake number.
“Hello, who’s this?”, asked Danny
“Doesn’t’ matter”, replied a gruff voice , probably someone using a  voice scrambler at the other end.
“Is it true that you are looking to buy the pink diamond”
“Maybe” replied Danny at the same time giving a thumbs-up to Rahul and Neal who were patiently sitting on the edges of the chair.
“Well is it or is it not?, I do not  have much time to waste. If you are then meet me tonight 9 pm at the Taj penthouse suite and be ready to pay 10 crore“
“How do I know who I am dealing with” replied Danny
“Just meet me there” said the voice and the phone cut off.
“Now, what, “What do we do next?” exclaimed Rahul turning to Danny.
“Well, we go to the Taj and find out who is behind all this, easy peasey” said Danny
“Yeah, that’s the plan is it ?Easey peasey, how do we get 10 crore by tonight Danny?
“Ah, now that you ask, this where Neal comes in , I am sure they will ask for the amount to be transferred to a bank account. When they give me the details I will call and give the details to Neal who will then do a fake transfer of 10cr to the account. Once the transfer is completed and I get my hands on the pink diamond I will walk out of there with everything captured on my mobile camera. We can arrest them the next day”
“Why not arrest them there itself.” exclaimed Rahul
“Well, because I cannot carry my revolver when I go inside, they are going to check me and if I arrest them there they will turn me into a pulp.” replied Danny
“Yeah true” muttered Neal, we will have to do it the next day. “Let me get the software for the fake transfer up.”
26th Jan 2012 9:00 pm
Danny walked into the Taj hotel. Rahul and Neal were waiting for him outside. At the reception he asked to go to the penthouse. Immediately a guard was called who escorted him all the way to the top suite. As soon as he stepped outside there were armed bodyguards who did a thorough search on him. He was then led into the suite. Danny was a little nervous, he usually did not do sting operations and he did not know who was at the other end.
He walked in through the door and there sitting on the chair was Raj Nayak, the nephew of the politician Shri Nayak.He had heard about Raj’s shady scams before , after all he was always under the protection of his corrupt uncle.
“We heard you are looking for the pink diamond, IS that true?” asked Raj
“Yes, Sir” said Danny trying to be in character
“As per our deal transfer 10 crore to our bank amount and the stone is yours”
“But Sir, I need to see it first”. Raj signaled one of his guards who went inside and got the diamond. After inspections were made Danny said he had to call his assistant to get the money transferred. He made the call to Neal with the bank account number and routing number, who immediately activated his software which would show a credit of the amount into the bank account.
On his end once Raj was satisfied the amount was transferred he gave the pink diamond to Danny who immediately left from the scene. As soon as elevator touched the ground floor he heard his cell ringing.
“The software crashed,  if they check their account again they are no longer going to see the credited amounted” screamed Neal, “Get out of there fast”
Danny ran through the front exit as he heard loud noises from the top. He knew their game was up. He rushed out. Rahul and Neal got the car at the front entrance. He got in and Rahul stepped on the accelerator. They had 2 cars following them. As Rahul took them through narrow lanes and streets Danny updated them with the rendezvous details. After about an hour Rahul knew he had definitely lost them, he dropped the other two at their house with Danny confirming they would be making the arrest the next day as he had everything on camera.
26th Jan 2012 11:30 pm
Sleep evaded Rahul and so he poured himself a drink, he was very excited about making the arrest the next day. In the middle of his 2nd drink he got a call “Rahul beta, got some time to talk” a voice drawled on the other end”
“Who’s this” Rahul asked”
“It is The Shri Nayak beta”.Oh jeez the thugs  must have got his license plates and tracked down his details.
“Now, I know what sting you and your friends from the CBI played today, what I don’t know is how many and who were the others, so what I want you to do beta is for you and your friends to forget about this sting, return the pink diamond to the museum and forget about all this jamela”
“And why would I do that” asked Rahul already disgusted by his tone.
“Well, for one beta I will be giving you 1 crore to share with your friends na”
“Money is not going to buy me Sir, sorry, Please keep the phone now and we will arrest your nephew tomorrow” said Rahul
“Oh ok you young  blood fellas, I was hoping to not send pictures of you and your lover to the CBI office and your parents. Wonder what your senior officers will have to say? Will they even want to keep you in the organization, Think about it beta and let me know. Jai Hind”
The color drained out of Rahul’s face. He could not afford the organization and his family knowing of his secret. A secret that he never wanted to come out. What would he do now? He would have to convince Neal and Danny to shut this case offhand”
Neal was his college friend and he had known him for the past 6 years now. He would understand. He immediately called Neal and told him about the threat he had received. Initially hesitant Neal decided to do what Rahul wanted.
“It would be difficult to convince Danny” said Neal. “He has been working for 15 years in the organization and he is a honest guy”
“Well, I will just have to take my chances” said Rahul
“What is he does not agree, then what” asked Neal
“Well, we will have to eliminate him out of the picture, isn’t it?, said a very drunk Rahul
“Don’t do anything on impulse” cautioned his friend as he kept the phone.

Present Day
“It is …It is Neal” said Rahul. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he thought about last night.
After talking to Neal , Rahul drove over to Danny’s house to tell him of the threat and to try and convince Danny somehow to keep all this under wraps. Initially Danny was hesitant but when Rahul mentioned about the 1 crore Danny softened. He had been a hardworking officer for the past 15 years with not much savings to show. His only daughter wanted to study International Law and he had no means of providing for her for her studies abroad. It was at this time that Rahul got a call from Neal  who was having second thoughts . Neal reflected about the oath he had taken when he joined CBI to serve the country and the organization with honesty, dedication and integrity and he did not want to be a part of this.
Rahul decided to stop over at Neal’s to convince him. Neal was sitting in the balcony enjoying the cool breeze when Rahul came over. He tried to convince Neal but their clashing thoughts led to a heated argument and Rahul being the impulsive kind pushed Neal over the balcony. He immediately regretted and ran down the 3 storey stairs thinking his friend must have broken a leg or two. That is when he saw that Neal did not fall down but got caught in the mesh of ropes and cables and one of them went right though his neck sucking the life out of him.

7 comments:

  1. Hi Seema...a very nice plot. There are a few typos and grammatical mistakes. Otherwise, a nice read.

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  2. Thanks Janu. oops typos are a big No-No. I did my spell check, have to be thorough.
    This is my first time and waiting to make a list of the criticism to develop my writing.
    --Seema

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  3. Doing this in 2 Parts.
    Part 1: Welcome to IFW and Kudos to you too on attempting such a tough prompt in your first edition! Like I said on Prasanna’s post, mixing goose bumps with humour is going to be a tough one – I don’t know if I could have done it! Since this is your first one here, do know that some of the feedback could appear brutal – but it’s not meant to be discouraging. As fellow writers, we tend to critique only to help each other and grow as better writers. Please take these in the right spirit.

    From an overall story perspective, for the most part it has a smooth flow. The story moves fast and at times I am reminded of the Hardy Boys trying to solve a missing jewel mystery. This could be both good and bad. Good, because it helps move the story fast. On the other hand, it also means that would need some more research to make it more real and mature. Now this is something I am poor at, but we all need to do some more research for our stories. It would be good to know how CBI gets assigned a case or how they work on it. In this story, seems like they got up and went in on their own. (Jeeps? Plural? 3 people?) And beyond that everything’s happening on their own – no forensic teams – even fingerprinting etc. they themselves are doing. With events happening around us – for example; a story about 3 friends; we don’t need much research – we simply write from experience – but to include an organization like the CBI, will need research.

    With Varun’s story the same feedback as Jaish did for Prasanna applies. It’s a flashback within a flashback. If we’re already in the past tense and Varun’s talking about what happened the day before, then it should move to past perfect. “He had opened the, he had gone into the vault .. ”

    If a regular walker out on a stroll comes across a body, a usual reaction would be that of incredulous shock or genuine surprise. In this case, the walker seems too calm – he’s well into determining whether the person jumped or so. It’s possible that some people are calm or maybe this person could be in the crime division having seen hundreds of bodies, but showing genuine shocks helps most readers relate to it. Unless you have a convincing justification for a deviant, that’s what would be a normal expectation.

    I am noticing that you’re probably thinking faster than you’re typing so you’re missing some words in your sentences. Like in the second sentence of the first paragraph: ‘whereas OTHERS wandered’. Same thing with ‘that WAS when his eyes fell on the body’. Similarly, the introduction statement for Danny Remo seems incomplete. A word is missing somewhere.

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    1. Part 2: Also, with IFW plots, the specifics do not need to be used word for word. So ‘mesh of cables and wires’ or ‘narrow lane leading out from his block of flats’ do not need to be integrated word for word. You could build a scene showing that as the background in your words and then have the walker come by or something like that. Feel free to rephrase and change settings. That’s only the general outline.

      I like how you have incorporated a whole lot of dialogue in there, that’s probably moves along the story fast. Do pay attention to punctuations there – full stops, question marks etc.

      Excellent way to include the impulsiveness and tech savvy characteristics. I didn’t realize it as I was reading the story – but later on cross checking Arvind’s requirements against the story – it fit perfectly! Some minor phrase/word usage checks: much bigger fish? Or much bigger shark? ☺ screeching alarm clock? ‘You’re what!’ or ‘Your what?’

      If their game had been up and the other 2 were already on scene, they could have gone in and arrested them then and there since they had everything on camera? Why wait for the next day? In the story, I understand why you had to do it. Because you wanted to introduce the blackmail angle. But people reading the story might wonder - why procrastinate. Again, the ending is a good twist – Rahul pushing Neal and regretting the impulsive act – but then think about it, for a CBI officer who did this a night before, would he leave the body just like that? Out in the open for someone to discover? It could be a plan, but would need background justification. It’s difficult to find loopholes by yourself because in our minds our story has been sequenced out a particular way. That’s where workshop critiques like these will help highlight obvious loopholes.

      I did enjoy the overall story – like I said, felt like a fast-paced whodunit – throughout the story I was wanting to know how did the body end up dead! The ending kind of wrapped that up well – had a neat little closure in there, that being said it missed out on the ‘leaving me with a chill’ factor – goose bumps. Goose bumps are only possible if we focus more on the dead body visualizing the gore or bring in psychopathy of an individual who went for the kill. But in this case, because the story focuses more on the Pink Diamond, that factor got lost someplace.

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  4. Loved the way you made the story move ahead like the CBI does... in and out of obfuscations without wanting anything to become completely transparent. Though I wish you didn't make these sleuths rush around in jeeps.

    Have you ever picked up a pin and suddenlt found it slither over your nail? Well, that is the sort of thin that makes the skin get into 3D patterns that we mortals call goosebumps! The story took me from one turn to another and I almost patted the back of my mind as it guessed what lay there... wish there were turns where the world twisted somewhere unexpected.

    Loved the story though...

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

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  5. Thanks Deepa for the detailed feedback.
    The plot was tough, goose-bumps with humor. I had no clue how to mix the two, hence I decided to keep the plot light-hearted thereby trying to induce humor through some witty dialogues.
    Since the main characters were 1 50 and 2 20 year old's and one of them was killed I assumed they were to be the only 3 main characters and had to have the story revolving around them with the pink diamond. There was very less focus on the actual murder, in my plot it is just an outcome.
    Research on CBI --frankly speaking I wrote this up 2 days before the deadline but I'll keep that in mind.
    Editing needs refining in terms of types, missing words, punctuations etc.
    I did mention in the story why they could not arrest them that night itself.

    Arvind, I did read some of the other entires and am getting an idea of the goosebumps factor. Thanks!

    --Seema

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    1. Honestly, I think it's crazy tough too. I hope to attempt it some day but I already know that I am going to fail miserably on the humour so I'll just leave that aside maybe and only try going for the goosebumps :D Yeah, like I said, I am poor at research too, I think having that as one or more of the editions of the workshop would be good - though we might need to decide how to go about it.

      Yeah. Danny cannot arrest then because he cannot go in with arms since he would be frisked. But see, you mention that when he rushes out, the other two come with the car. That was my confusion. Since they knew their game was up, might as well close in from all sides and arrest the guys then and there. Giving them the night, knowing that their facade has been broken, gives the bad guys time to think of counter attacks. I know why you needed it for your story. But if the loophole had a convincing justification, it would have worked. Hope you got what I am trying to say.

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We love polite people but it is not necessary to be so polite that you will not even point out where we go wrong :) Please feel free to voice your constructive criticism.