The War of Troy

Author Name: Seema Gopalan

Author Intro: Well about me, my traits can be described in 3 words - possesive, steady and focussed. Like a true Taurean I simply want things to be get done which may be sometimes viewed as stubbornness. The good life in all it's guises appeals to me. Down to earth with a no-nonsense approach, saying what I mean with a very strong sense of values.I blog at My Endeavours

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The legendary Trojan War as we know of it today would not have been fought if lover boy had not got his heart set on a married woman. Just not any married woman I tell you! Paris, prince of Troy fell head over heels in love with Helen, an extraordinarily beautiful woman, wife of Menelaus, the King of Sparta. Things would have still been in control, had he just gloated over her beauty and left on his way but no, the prick had the nerve to abduct her to the Land of Troy under the protection of big brother, Hector.

Paris on reaching Troy.

Paris: “Dad, Dad. Look what I have got from Greek.”

King Priam along with Hector overjoyed at his son’s return exclaims, did the Greeks finally agree to the truce with Troy. As he spoke his eyes fell on Helen who was standing beside Paris taking in the sights of the palace. “Whoa, what’s this?” he exclaimed

Paris slightly offended, Dad, This is Helen, wife of Menelaus. My love to her is ever true and we wish to be united forever in marriage.

On hearing this Hector groaned, you moron! This time you have really crossed the limit. Now we can never ever expect a truce between Troy and Greece.

Paris: Why do we have to worry bro. Menelaus will never attempt to attack the city of Troy. He knows it is impenetrable.

Hector still fuming: That’s true; our only worry is if he goes to his brother Agamemnon, that prick has been looking for a reason to attack us for years.

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Agamemnon was in the arms of his maid when he was approached by Menelaus who was angered and ashamed at his wife’s abduction.

Ah, here comes my cuckolded brother exclaimed Agamemnon while the maid chuckled at his remark.

Don’t say that word bro; I have come to find some solace in your kingdom replied Menelaus in a pitiful voice.

“This is not the time for solace, let’s go and attack Troy and get your dear wife back. “ thundered Agamemnon

Nestor (Agamemnon’s general): You should take your two best men, one a strategist - Odysseus and the other a great warrior -- Achilles. Together you can attack the kingdom of Troy

Agamemnon: Phew, Achilles, he fights for himself than anyone else. Plus I cannot stand him for all his drama. However I trust your wisdom Nestor.

Immediately a messenger was sent out to summon Odysseus and Achilles. Achilles troops of Myrmidons were lazing away and were thrilled at the opportunity to visit Troy, they knew the so called battle would last for years and in the meantime they could polish their sword –fighting skills.

As they were leaving for Greek Patroculus came running to Achilles and requested he be taken along.

“Stay here and take care of Mom and Aunty, dear Cousin Patroculus” answered Achilles

“Take me with you; I want to visit the beautiful city of Troy. Moreover we look so similar that if things get too burdened on you we can swap places”

This statement brought a glint of joy in Achilles eyes and he immediately thought of ways to idle away his time. However Achilles wanted to demonstrate the new techniques of sword fighting to his troops and so immediately on landing in Troy he killed many Trojans and desecrated the temple of Apollo. He then claimed Briseis the virgin priestess of Apollo as his war prize.

Now that he had the fair maiden by his side he intended to spend all his time with her in the tent and gave his armor and shield to Patroculus who could disguise as him and overlook his troops.

Having a weakness for women himself Agamemnon took Briseis from Achilles for himself. This angered Achilles who sulked like a kid whose precious candy was taken from him and refused to fight anymore. This pleased his troops enormously who were tired and needed some rest.

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Helen: Paris, baby! Nothing is happening here, I am so bored with no one fighting.

Paris: Oh dear! Would you like to see me and Menelaus fight a duel for you.

Helen: Oh! That would be lovely, Can you arrange that?

Paris immediately sends a word to Menelaus and challenges him to a hand to hand combat. He also sets out to have a talk with his brother Hector.

Paris: Bro! The signal for you to kill Menelaus is when I fall on your feet during the combat.

Hector: No man! Fight your own fights; I am not going to be there every time.

Paris: Oh come on bro! You already knew of this when I bunked the hand to hand combat lessons to visit my girl-friend. Don’t give up on me now!

Having thus pre-decided when Pairs is injured during the combat Hector intervenes and kills Menelaus.

Hector (to Priam): Dad, Menelaus is dead and I hear that Achilles is again sulking and has refused to fight. This is the time to launch a surprise attack on the Greek encampment.

Having got his father’s permission Hector and his Trojan troops attack the unsuspecting Greeks.

Patroculus: Achilles! Get your lazy Azzzz up, the Trojans have attacked and it’s time for us to reiterate back. Agamemnon has given his orders to fight.

Achilles: Whoa! Who is he to order me? I shall lay her on my bed and think about my dear Briseis.

Patroculus thinking to himself,”Uff, cousin has surely lost his marbles this time, but wait he has already given me his armor and sword, I can go in his place leading his troops. This should be fun”

Having thus decided Patroculus led the Myrmidons to the fight. He came face to face with Hector who unfortunately turned to be a better fighter than him and poor Patroculus was slained.

Eudorus: Achilles, wake up! Hector has just killed Patroculus.

Achilles awaking from his deep slumber: “Oh Lord”, he groaned, “How did that happen’

Eudorus: He was leading the army and Hector mistook him for you and killed him.

Achilles: Is Hector blind? Mistook him for me indeed!

Eudorus: Well one cannot blame Hector really. [about Patroclus] He wore your armor. Your sheild, your greaves, your helmet. He even moved like you.

Achilles: Oh! That foolish copycat. He has really crossed the limits this time. What do I say to mom and Aunty? I was only supposed to take him for some sightseeing to Troy.

Eudorus: You can avenge his death by killing Hector. That would satisfy your folks.

Achilles getting excited at the idea: You know what Eudorus that is not a bad idea! And I am getting hand sores without using my sword. I shall go tomorrow to the gates of Troy and challenge Hector to a duel.

The duel appears evenly matched but Hector is ultimately slain and is dragged from the back of Achilles chariot shocking the Trojans.

That night King Priam sneaks into the Greek camp and asks Achilles to return Hector's body. Achilles grants his request, swearing a truce for them to mourn, and lets Briseis return with Priam

Agamemnon to Odysseus on hearing Patroculus and Hector’s death: That boy must have just saved the war for us. This is a perfect time to attack Troy. All the soldiers are mourning Prince Hector’s death,

Odysseus: We cannot breach their walls. If we keep fighting we will lose more of our soldiers.

Agamemnon (now impatient): Oh come on old boy! There must be a trick or two up your sleeve. Devise an ingenious plan for us.

Odysseus is left deep in thought.

The next morning as the Trojans woke up for their morning coffee they saw a big wooden horse left outside their gates. The Greeks were nowhere in sight. A message was immediately send to king Priam.

Priam: Wow, A wooden horse. This must definitely be a gift from Poseidon. He knows I can no longer ride horses and so he must have sent a wooden one for me.

Paris: Dad, burn the horse. We can have a bonfire, do some grilling and I can show some of my latest dance moves to Helen.

Priam: A celebration that sounds fun! But I do not want to burn the horse. I am sure Poseidon wanted me to sit on it and watch my entire city from here.

On King Priam’s orders the wooden horse is brought inside. At night when the whole of Troy is asleep Achilles, Odysseus and a small group of Greek soldiers well hidden in the wooden horse comes out and open the gates of the royal palace for the Greek army. The Greek army is ecstatic on entering the city of Troy for the first time and go on a wild rampage spree.

Achilles: Briseis, Briseis where are you?

Paris (on hearing Achilles voice): Achilles, there you are. I promised Dad I would avenge brother’s death. I have to strike at you with my new bow and arrow.

Achilles: Ha ha, really you are going to kill me, don’t you know I am immortal.

Paris (now pleading): Pleaseeeeeeeeee

Achilles: Okay go ahead! I’ll give you 3 tries after which I am away from here.

Paris steadies his bow and arrow with his clumsy hands and takes aim at Achilles chest.

Achilles: Ouch, my heel. You fool! Of all the places you had to aim at the only vulnerable spot on my body.

Paris seeing Achilles vulnerable gains confidence and strikes more arrows all over Achilles body thus killing him.