Author : Sandeep Nair
Author Introduction: Hello
folks, I am the author of, and the lack of brains behind SandySpeak. If you
like my writing please support me at my blog at http://www.sandyspeak.blogspot.com.
Happy Reading !
Story:
“Ruhktanshi
has joined the fray of battle.” The Village Giant announced.
Ruhktanshi opened her eyes. She looked around her hut. There
was a big pile of Magi skulls upon the earthen floor. Through the lone window
she saw that it was raining heavily outside. The drops shimmered silver. As the
drops hit the purple earth, they vaporized into a golden smoke. The ground
remained completely dry, as if by magic. A surge of rage coursed through her at
this sight.
Before stepping out, she quickly gathered her armor and
weapons. Her armor was made of dark steel. She strapped a mace to her back. In
its sheath at her waist was the dagger called ‘The Harbinger of Doom’. It was a
gift bestowed upon her by the Immortals of Battle.
“Greetings Villagers. Why does the Manna rain?”
“Hail Drillmistress! The Invoker Warlord has summoned his
Magi court at The Citadel.” A veteran replied.
“Why hasn’t anything been done about it?”
“The Strider and his Rangers were planning an attack…”
“Why did none of us Barbarians accompany him?”
“We offered to, but The Strider heard that the Nexans were
camping in the foothills, preparing to assault The Citadel. They offered the
Strider a truce. He accepted, since the Nexans no longer have any Magi in their
ranks, thanks to our war with them. He refused to fight alongside them though.
He thought if we Barbarians joined the scouting party, the Nexans might cause
trouble. That would tip off the Acolytes. So he went alone.”
“What happened then?”
“We have received no word. We suspect the Commander was
betrayed and ambushed by the Nexans.”
“He would never trust the Nexans.”
“Yes, but maybe he was overwhelmed.”
“And am I to understand, that the finest warriors in all
Gehenna, have been sitting idle in The Village and letting the Manna rain,
while the Strider has disappeared?
“At your command!”
“Sally forth and ride to Battle !
Let us away and unleash the black death upon these bastard MAGI! I WANT THE
CITADEL DESTROYED BEFORE THE RISING OF THE DAWN!”
** A bright flash of light **
“I want that report filed before lunch.” Meghana shouted.
She slammed down the phone.
“Morons, must I do everything myself?” she thought and
swiveled around in her plush leather chair.
Her office was on the thirtieth floor, reserved for the four
V.P.’s. It was very luxurious with west facing windows which offered beautiful
views of the sunset every evening, which was the time when she plotted her
strategy for the next day. She was confident that all her efforts would soon
propel her to the 31st floor, reserved for the CEO of Innovate Inc, one of the
largest software companies in all of America .
But that would have to wait for the blue screen that
confronted her when she turned to her laptop.
“Bloody hell!” She screamed out aloud.
She picked up her ashtray and flung it to the carpet in fury.
“In your usual good mood I see.” Ricky said as he entered her
office. As always he was dressed casually. It was a habit that Meghana loathed.
But being the CEO and the founder of a company had its perks.
When she became the CEO, this little bit of unpleasantness
would also dissolve.
“What happened?
“Hello Ricky. My laptop crashed. How was the golf?”
“It was good. I lost. Is the final presentation ready?”
“Yes, it should be on my desk by lunch. I have a draft ready.
I will come up to your office once I get IT to fix this.”
“Ask Arup to fix it.”
“Who is that? That guy who runs the servers?”
“Yeah”
“He is only a tech. not an Engineer. I need this data
recovered, not formatted.”
“He is better than most of our engineers. He debugged
Darkroom.”
“But he is…”
“Not a B-tech or an MBA from a top School? Yeah, but neither
am I. While I built the company, he built himself up from an office boy into
the best IT tech. in all of Silicon Valley . He spent his
nights here when he was studying to save on expenses. The money he saved kept
his family fed. If that isn’t leading from the front, I don’t know what is.
Anyway, get me the draft.”
“Loser” Thought Meghna, as she watched Ricky’s receding back
through narrowed eyes.
She hated everything about Ricky, just as she hated most of
her co-workers. She came from one of America ’s
finest B-schools, had a double master’s degree, had traveled the world, and
then had a job in upper management waiting when she got back. Everything
about Ricky right, from his casual clothes to his friendly demeanor was at odds
with her haughty ivory tower credentials and nature. Luckily ever since
the venture capitalists came in, Ricky was an employee in his own company. She
intended to replace him within a couple of years. Then she would show everyone
how companies ought to be run.
She
sighed and dialed Arup’s number.
Within minutes she heard a soft knocking at her door. Arup
stepped in, dressed in navy blue over-alls. He was a tall figure, which put the
angles into his stout frame. Slightly balding, his high forehead shone under
the lights. Bushy eyebrows framed kind eyes, with laugh lines along the
corners. A slightly disfigured nose over-shadowed his lips, upon which, hung a
small smile at all times. The strength in his frame coupled with the
all-pervading sense of friendliness about him, made him instantly likeable.
“Yes Ma’m?”
“Take a look at my laptop. It has crashed twice in two days.”
“Right away.”
“Mind you, I want the data recovered. Not formatted.”
“Let me see what I can do.”
“Right. Make it quick.”
Arup fiddled around with the laptop. Meghana watched him
work. She wondered how such a lowly person felt like to be in her office. He
was probably fantasizing about screwing her here. Despite being in her early
thirties, she maintained a figure that caused everyone to drool. She had learnt
early on that a little cleavage went a long way in garnering promotions. Seven
years after she had started, here she was, a V.P. but, ironically, still
dependent on an IT tech.
“It is done. The OS was corrupt. I have done a repair. I
suggest you let me do a re-install and make everything squeaky new.” Arup
drawled.
“Do it in the evening.”
The phone rang. It was Ricky.
“Is the draft ready?”
“IT just finished fixing my laptop. I will be up there in a
moment.”
** A bright flash of light **
Ruhktanshi raised her hand and the twenty barbarians behind
her halted immediately. Even from a distance the marble towers of The Citadel
could be seen clearly. This close the Manna positively hummed in the air.
“Two of you come with me. Let us scout.”
They stepped forward stealthily through the red snow. An hour
later Ruhktanshi raised her hand and made a fist. All three of them dropped to
the ground. They were on the Northwestern gate of The Citadel. Above, a lone
Elven archer leaned upon a pillar. He was cleaning his ear with a cross-bow
bolt.
“Why are there no guards?” Ruhktanshi muttered to herself.
A few minutes later, a small boy appeared in view. He
was chasing his dog.
Ruhktanshi broke cover and casually walked up to him.
“Hello Sonny. We have lost our way. Could you tell us who is
inside so that we can ask for an audience?”
“Lord Socherion is holding court.” The boy replied and ran
back inside.
So it was true! The Invoker Warlord was here! A master of the
elements, he was a deadly Mage. Ruhktanshi’s blood heated up. The Strider!
Had he and his Rangers fallen prey to the invoker’s might?
It was time for action.
“The Citadel is unprepared. We must regroup and attack now.
Let us head back and get the others.” Ruhktanshi determined.
“The shortest way is through the foothills here. It will take
too much time to go back the way we came from.” One of the Barbarians replied.
“Alright, lead the way.”
The three of them began their way back at a rapid clip. As
they ran through the foothills, Ruhktanshi looked around. She was working out
potential escape routes that the Acolytes could use to get out. She was going
to slaughter every last one of them.
Wait a minute!
Ruhktanshi slipped. However, instead of hitting the ground
she found herself suspended a foot above it. She saw that the other two, like
her, had blundered into a web of acidic Manna. The wily invoker had booby
trapped the foothills with his acid invocation! She quickly sliced through her
webbing with her dagger. Barely had she managed to extricate herself when she
heard a loud rumbling. She looked up and saw boulders of stone falling from the
sky. With a loud cry she hurled herself behind a large rock and took cover. The
rain of stones ended as abruptly as it started. She took a quick glance and saw
that both the veterans were dead, their bodies crushed by the rain of stone.
Ruhktanshi wielded her maces. Where was the mage?
A massive pillar of lightning materialized twenty feet from
her. A concussive blast slapped her body away like a twig. She slammed into a
rock and doubled over from the pain. She looked up and there he was, the
bastard Mage. With The Berserker’s Rage in her, she swung her mace at the rock.
It went flying towards the invoker. He created a shield of water around him to
stop the rock, but he hadn’t counted for Ruhktanshi’s cunning. With a flick of
her wrist she threw her dagger after the rock. It flew through the air and just
before the rock hit the shield of water, struck it. The rock splintered it into
a thousand pieces. The sharpened stone pierced through the water, injuring the
invoker in many places. The shield of water dropped down to the ground.
With a massive incantation, the enraged Invoker let loose a
fireball. Ruhktanshi spun around, behind her shield, which melted under the
assault. In her berserker’s rage, she had no idea of her wounds, but she knew
the Invoker would not die at her hands. For all her strategic ability, she had
been outthought and trapped. She launched herself through the air, aiming her
dagger for the invoker’s throat. He erected a massive block of ice. She felt as
if she had hit a wall.
As she lay on the ground trying to capture her breath, the
hooded Invoker materialized. He twirled his fingers and she saw long icicles
develop in his fingernails. He raised his hands to his mouth, and prepared to
blow the icicles into her body. As he opened his mouth, Ruhktanshi sensed
motion…
The Strider sprung out from a nearby shrub with a loud
disorienting yell. Even before the Invoker could turn, the Strider had planted
his deadly Katana up and through his hood. There was no blood, no scream, just
a ripping sound. Ruhktanshi struggled to come to terms with the ambush that the
Strider had laid. The Invoker’s body vaporized. His clothes fell down in a
heap. Immediately, the drops of manna vanished and the rain stopped. The sun
burst out through the clouds as the magic broke.
The Strider quickly applied a healing poultice upon her.
“You led him straight into my ambush. Good work.”
“We came looking for you.”
“I couldn’t send word. I noticed the Invoker preparing an
ambush for the Nexan assault. So I camouflaged myself here and prepared an
ambush for the Invoker. Unfortunately you sprung his ambush instead of the
Nexans, who I suspect have run away. The only way to save you was to wait until
I had him defenseless.”
“Thank you for saving my life.”
“It would be a pity to let such a fine Drillmistress pass
away to the Valhalla .”
“Come with me to the village.”
“We are Rangers. The forests and the foothills are our homes.
Come now.”
** A bright flash of light **
At the meeting with Ricky, Meghana found it difficult to
concentrate. It was bruising to her ego to accept that the Invoker had
out-played her. She dismissed it as pure bad luck. However she admired the
Strider. What an impeccable ambush he had laid! No doubt, he too was the
product of a top B-school. Possibly a strategy consultant or a V-P or even a
CEO! She wondered what it would be like to meet him in person. He wouldn’t be
anything like Ricky for sure.
Back in her office, she sent an IM to Arup to come to her
office. Fifteen minutes later when there was no response, she lost her temper.
She decided to head to the server room. She would give him a piece of her mind.
On the thirteenth floor, she quickly located Arup’s workstation. He wasn’t at
his seat. She stood there indecisively for a few minutes amongst the hum of the
servers then decided to leave. Before leaving she tapped on his laptop to check
if her IM had been delivered. It had been. She put it to sleep again. As the
monitor darkened, she caught a glimpse of a folder named GEHENNA LOGS.
Wait a minute!
She tapped the keyboard. The screen came back to life. She
opened the folder. It contained tens of folders. One of them was named
STRIDERLOGS.
Meghana stood there aghast. She opened the folder with
trepidation and checked the logs. The latest one was of her fight with the
invoker, through the eyes of the Strider.
No! It couldn’t be! How could a lowly technician be such a
master strategist?
She backed away from the laptop in a blind panic and bumped
into Arup. His kind eyes looked down into hers, that ever-present smile on his
face…
She shook her head and ran to the lift. There was no way Arup
was the strider. He wasn’t fit for her. Ricky wasn’t fit for her. She was
better than all of them. Arup couldn’t be the Strider. She wouldn’t let him be
the Strider. She would call HR and make sure they fired Arup for causing a
security breach by using his office workstation to play online games.
** A bright flash of light **
“Ruhktanshi has joined the fray of battle.” The Village Giant
announced.
“Hail Drillmistress!” The village chorused.
“Greetings Villagers. I have an announcement to make. The
Rangers, in accepting the truce with the Nexans, have betrayed the cause. From
this moment on, we are at war with them. I want the Strider’s head in the
Village pit. Is this understood?”
“At your command!”
“Sally forth and ride to Battle !
Let us away and unleash the black death upon these bastard Rangers! I WANT THE
TREE DESTROYED BEFORE THE RISING OF THE DAWN!
This topic seems to have given you an unfair advantage. To me, this appears perfect and am not able to really think of any improvement suggestions. I counted the words and exactly 3 words short of the limit. Hopefully Suresh will have suggestions for improvement for you.
ReplyDeleteSandy! This was great reading. You managed to hold the tempo in both strands of the story impeccably. I only hope that the process of adhering to the word limit taught you something for I do not see what I can suggest to improve on what you have done.
ReplyDeleteI have some things to say, however (since I am supposed to say something :) ). There is a Game interlude between Meghana telling Ricky that she would be up in a moment and her meeting with him. Whether it was played then or whether it was recollected, it seems to be not the right time. Maybe, you should try to manage the time lines on both strands better (Reaching for criticism, but what can I do? :) )
The other thing is that maybe you ought to try and see how Meghana can actually change her attitudes. For that, you will have to manage to communicate her thought processes and emotions and the changes in them over a period of time. That would make for a different story but would probably make you experiment outside your comfort zone.
English, Mmm! I cannot say a thing :)
Thank you for the praise TF and Suresh. I welcome the points you have raised that could be improved upon since they are quite valid. This is precisely why I like submitting my work for you guys to review.
ReplyDeleteThere was a sub-plot involving the CEO Ricky, who is the invoker warlord Socherion in the game. He is not a loser like Meghna thinks he is. But I went crazy editing this piece to adhere to the word limit and eliminated the sub-plot. As a result the time strands went a little awry.
I could have done better there.
Key takeaways:
Firstly, I eliminated a lot of description of the invoker, the barbarians, the village, the strider and the drillmistress, as also the battle scenes. However when I look back at the post, there is still quite a bit of detail there allowing one to visualize what is happening. So I am not as hamstrung as I thought I would be by compromising on the description to increase the pace.
Secondly, I killed a lot of sentences that I thought were extremely brilliant. But Stephen King is right. What I think are brilliant may not necessarily enthuse the audience. At one point I described the manna as "water drops skittering along the surface of a hot skillet." I killed that line with a heavy heart, but later on decided that it sounded a little ridiculous.
Thirdly, I learnt to focus a little more tightly on the plot without letting too many characters "scatter" my story. At one point when discussing Meghana's credentials, I referred to her father who is an investment banker. I also went into details of Arup's family, especially his brother. Cutting these things out helped me bring in some other elements like Meghana relying on her sexuality to earn promotions etc. I hope that helps flesh out Meghana as the power-hungry female type.
The last and the MOST important. I deliberately wrote in short, staccato sentences. There are places, especially towards the end, where I lose my discipline, but I am glad to see that I am learning to shed long sentences which constitute almost an entire paragraph, like this one.
Thank you both for the fantastic initiative and the great plot. Hopefully I will be able to keep contributing.
Note: Everything below to be taken in the right spirit.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant write Sandy. I am not a gamer much myself. So in my post you would not come across any game descriptions, I have played a couple long back like Wolf and stuff, but don't remember much. I also didn't do any research around it, which I probably should have. But I see the kind of difference experience and/or research can make. Both sections - narrative and game play - have been etched very well. One point though - in a particular line you have mentioned 'Everything about Ricky right, from his casual clothes' - I believe the comma should be before right, not after.
Also, I thought TF's plot mentioned 'This makes her re-evaluate her views on office hierarchies and her assessment of people.' But in this case, the female seems to be sticking to her views and in fact plans on eliminating Strider altogether. That seems to be a deviation. Overall nice write!
Through your comments, even I am realizing that I need to work better on restricting words, shrink lines to lines instead of paragraphs and such. Looks like you did end up cutting a lot of it out, but I personally like what it has now become!
My first reaction about the plot was the same, Deepa! The problem is that the way the plot is phrased, after 'she re-evaluates her views on office hierarchies and her assessment of people' the result can be quite open. She has de-linked position and strategic capabilities after the story but chooses position over thinking capabilities in this tale. So, where everyone has her changing her dislike of Arup to liking, Sandy has changed her liking for Strider to dislike :)
DeleteOh by the way, just curious, why the name Ruhktanshi?
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comments Deepa and Suresh. Yes, the ending... well I went up the wrong street I suppose. As for the name, it is the name of a character played by my friend who was the Commander of Battle in the MMORPG game I used to play. I was the Drillmaster of Battle, a Minotaur who went by the name Drakgrak. Originally I had written the story with the name Eulinda. No particular reason, just me being lazy.
ReplyDeleteI think everything (good or bad) has been outlined by experts and I have nothing to point out. One think I would say: Watch out! I may storm into your house some day and steal your brain!
ReplyDeleteHehehe, please do, I can make more noise once the drum is empty ;)
Delete