Author: Pradip
Kumar Biswas
Author Introduction: I write what my
characters speak among themselves or to me, so I am not a writer to but a steno
to my characters. I move out for my day to day work and the persons or
places whatever I see creeps in my subconscious mind forming a dream sequence.
When the dream ceases, I see the characters once again and they start talking.
And there starts my stenography. I have many published and unpublished stories
and one published novel “A Trek to Unknown” by Bibliofil. Prior to this
story, I never developed any plot of other. Here also I failed at first, but
coincidentally, I met with two characters recently, who installed
and trained us for two software packages that our company bought. One was
an ordinary but very sharp software technician and another was V.P, also
known as ‘Hunterwali’ by her officemates. This story was based on their
interaction with me.
I am a geologist by profession and lucky enough
to visit places(mostly deep forests, Hills and deserts) and persons around India
and world for mineral exploration and mining. They (Places and persons)all love
me very much and I am their obedient Stenographer.
Story:
Suddenly
Meghna found, her horse has moved too fast and she is now isolated from her
companions. An enemy warrior in black dress came out from a bush and his horse
blocked her way. In quicker reflex, her sword flashed and she tried to defend
the attack of the tall man by hitting his shoulder. The man helplessly lowered
his head, only to be beheaded. However, just before that, he threw his javelin
towards her. A tall dark man on a white horse appeared from nowhere. His Horse
galloped high, his sword flashed like a lightning, and blocked the Javelin.
He looked back and raising his sword signaled the Artillery behind him to
start firing at the direction of the bridge on the river. Now, Meghna had
a glimpse of the Warrior. His face was covered with the protective hanging iron
chains from his golden headgear. The bright embossing on his golden helmet and
bright crown silver mark on his dress marked him as the strider of the main
clan. As a leader of the sub-clan, she saluted him and he reciprocated and
his horse carried him away fast.
The “boom- boom” deafening sound of the shelling
started from their side were enough to pull her from her bed. Meghna opened her
eyes and she heard clearly the sound of another bomb. She got up
and looked through the big windows. The smokes can be seen still. It is from
the main road.
Today is 20th September, the day of “Bharat Bandh”. There
could be a clash between the ruling and opposition political parties. Somewhere
from her room there was a clatter of breaking glass panes. She was now afraid
and looked around. The morning TV live show was showing the activities of
miscreants pelting stones to a bus and breaking the front glass into pieces.
She was trying to recollect how she slept here.
As usual, she got up early only to remember that it was
the “Bharat Bandh” day and she might not be able to go to office. She opened
the TV to check the News but found none. Keeping the TV on, she opened her
computer to play her favorite online computer game of MMORPG but soon was
asleep.
The game she was playing currently is the War-Game led
by a strider of a clan and Ex- army head of a country, now in exile. The queen,
a foreign national, opened the country free for traders of her motherland. The
Army head opposed the idea and he was banished. The general soon found out
patriots like him in exile, united them, and formed a clan. The aim of this
clan was to free their own country from the clutches of the queen.
One can join the clan and be a member of the sub-clan
depending upon the resource and the challenges the person can opt for.
Meghna was inducted in the guerilla warfare sub-clan
and upon destroying two strategic positions; she is currently the group head of
the sub clan. They are now near the border of the country. They have to capture
a fort occupied by the enemy on the other side of a big deep river. There is a
bridge on the river approaching the fort. But this heavily guarded bridge is
covered by the artillery from the ramps of the fort. Casualty on their
side could be very high if they want to cross this bridge. Meghna was watching
the move of their strider took to capture the bridge and the fort. She played
the game upto this but soon she fell into sleep.
As she woke up, she found an excellent move was taken by the strider. The enemy
side kept the prisoner of wars (POWS) in front, led by a Captain from the Queens
side. The tyrant captain compelled them to make a do or die fight with Meghna’s
clan. The main force of the enemy with artillery coverage was behind the bridge
approaching the fort and in the rampart of the Fort.
The Move taken by the Strider.
· The
brave warriors sub clan on horse back swept past the POWs guarding the direct
entry to captain’s arena.
· Captain
was isolated.
· The
POWs now surrenders to Striders clan.
· The
artillery clan successfully demolished the bridge.
· The
enemy force was isolated.
· POWS
guided them to cross the river through a narrow and shallow part.
· Meghna’s
guerrilla sub-clan was given a cover to cross the river along with them.
Now the Strider ordered Meghna to make a successful operation
to reach the rampart of the Fort. Her sub-clan either silence or capture
the Guns and pave the way for the gunner sub clan to start shelling at the
enemy guarding on the spire road approach to the fort with minimum casualty and
complete the operation before dawn. He also warned her that there is a full
moon light in the sky.
Looking at her watch, she left the game for sometime
and got to her feet. She must freshen up before the production report
from the mines and progress reports of the Solar Power arrive. Soon a call came
up. Thinking it as a call from the Port, she looked at the Number.
This was from her friend Tanya, the chief editor of BP Group.
Tanya was her classmate at IIMA. She joined the BP
group and Meghna in DFC Bank. After initial exchanges of welfares on both
sides, Tanya reminded the interview Meghna promised might be held today. Tanya
could send her representative Jona at her residence.
She said, “Do not worry about her. News people can reach any
where at ease even during the All India Bandh. Right now Jona is giving live
coverage in a locality close to yours. If you are comfortable now she may visit
you within half an hour.”
Meghna said “Send her, we shall have breakfast together.”
Jona said “Congratulations Meghna. We all think that
you long deserved this award of the Top Executive of the year by FICCI. How do
you feel about it?”
Meghna “I consider this as recognition of Shyam Group as a
whole. I only played my role as Vice-President of Business development and
strategies”
Jona “Before you joined, the group was plunged in debts
and a bad achiever in Stock market. What strategies are implemented by you to
pull it up?”
Meghna “Before I joined. Shyam group was in only Mining
business, which was reeling with recessions. We diversified ourselves in Steel
making, Solar, and wind Power. Diversifications in right and Pioneer areas
brought in bright results in the balance sheet of the company.”
Jona “FICCI observed that your strategies alone made the
Shyam group to turn around. How do you feel about it?”
Meghna bit her lips and paused a while and gave a diplomatic
reply “We act as a team, some one initiates and others participate. The team
develops and implements it to further.”
Jona “Do you initiate always and others…”
Meghna “I can not divulge company trade secrets.”
Meghna could not say that she found none so far.
None, including the fat CTC earners of few crores, the COO,
directors and her colleagues senior and junior to her, has the capability to
initiate or wish to do so.
Every time she has to initiate and face the lone battle of
bottlenecks in each piece of new ventures that has brought the company to
limelight. Nobody ever participated in strategy, Business development, or
Vision. They only criticized her but eat the cake every time merrily at the
end. What she has got, apart from a good package? She knows people down or up
her line call her “Hunterwalli”.
Jona broke the pause “Meghna, there is a query
from our readers and viewers. You are very much selective in your core team.
Each member has to be bright, graduates from top institutes like IIMs and IITs
and good connections. What is your comment on this?’
Meghna “It is true that each core team member is not only
bright but they are very hard working and sincere. We have both, pass out from
top institutes and people like me who started their career with basic
qualifications and gradually obtained some more professional qualifications..
After+2, I worked as an accounts-assistant, passed B.com through evening course
and saved enough money for a coaching session for CAT and got into IIMA
supported by Bank Loan. There is another Guy, Arup, currently our senior IT
technician. He discontinued his studies because of family problems, began as a
office boy but gradually obtained certifications and a degree in IT through
correspondence course. Without him, we could not have ventured into our network
communications linking the mining and solar power projects, installation,
maintenance, and security of softwares at all the projects and our corporate
office. In fact one of his brainwaves saved us a lot of foreign exchange for
the computerized solar Power plant control room.”
Jona “ One last query. What inspires you to your role?”
Looking at the computer screen lying at her small desk, Jona
further asked “Please forgive me. I am seeing an online role-playing game on
your screen. Do you or someone else play this game?”
Meghna “I think you have answered your query by yourself.
Yes, I play this game but in a small role. But, I learn a lot from the team
members and from the Strider. Every time he makes excellent moves, compelling
each to play their role and he also brings out the hidden groups that can
participate. I think this person, who can play at ease with excellent
strategies may be a very high and decision making executive in a big corporate
sector. He cannot be any ordinary person. Someday I may be able to stumble into
his identity and meet him in person.”
Jona “Thank You Meghna, for sparing your time for this
interview. I believe this story inspire our viewers and readers.”
Meghna said, “One moment Jona. Can you do me a favor? I think
it shall be too unsafe for me to take out my car and reach office for a day
like this. May you please drop me at your office?”
Jona “Oh yes Meghna, our pleasure. No one dares to
touch our ‘Press’ vehicles”
Meghna has a scheduled video conference with the
manufacturers of solar photovoltaic modules at noon
and she was looking at the last minute glance of the PowerPoint presentations.
As usual, the attendance in the office was thin and she was feeling a bit
nervous with the manipulation of control panel from the various video and audio
outputs. She was missing Arup badly. Normally Arup and her secretary Zinta look
after this. Arup anticipated his absence for the “Bandth” and showed her the
necessary manipulations the server to connect, disconnect and synchronizations
with mixers blending audio and Video inputs. He assured her that Zinta is
sufficiently trained to handle this in his absence.
Zinta’s voice came over in the voice receiver “Mam, I am
afraid. There is a snag in the system. I tried all but it appears
it is out of my reach”
Meghna said in her firm and cool voice “Come out of panic and
get me Arup. Tell him to talk to me immediately”
Arup was online within a few minutes. In his usual cool
and confident voice, he said, “I told Zinta to put off the voice transponder
for half an hour and run the antivirus programme. There could be a virus attack
to copy our Solar operations files. It shall be all OK much before the CONCALL
of US experts.”
Meghna said, “Could it be due to the computer games we allow
during the Lunch recess?”
Arup said, “Mam, I check all the games that our employees
play from their IP address. None found so far as malware. Any way Mam, I am
trying to reach office by my Bike; I am already on my way.”
Meghna put down her receiver. She had a sudden
brainwave. and called Zinta. “ Zinta, come to my room with a print out of
the IP address and games logs of all employees from the
server. Make it fast.” Now she shall come to know whether anyone is
playing that Trozan game or not. In this game, there is a chance you send hints
to crack the passwords of the vital installations. She already doubts few and
now she would be able to catch their collars.
Looking at the print outs, she suddenly stopped at the
third page. Two people in the office are playing MMORPG
games. One I.P is she but who the other is?
Looking at her pencil,Zinta said “Mam, that I.P is inside the
server room. That is Arup’s computer.”
Meghna said “Do you know his passwords?” As
Zinta nodded approvingly she said “Go, open his computer and I shall be there
to get the links for the transponder response. After this, go to board room and
check whether the video CONCALL is operating or not. Call Arup and tell him to
join you in the Boardroom and further confirm. ”
Meghna saw Zinta moving to Boardroom arena and she
hurriedly entered the Server room. Although unethical, but she exercised her
right to know the details of the Game that any employee plays. She was
expecting Arup might be playing at the best a supporting technical sub-head in
this game.
Her heart thumped a bit, Arup may come here at
any moment. Within a second the game opened and her surprises one after another
begin. This man Arup playing the role of Strider is just a simple Senior IT
technician, not at least a HOD. She looked into the subroutines he designed for
the possible and expected future strategies to put the Queen as a prisoner.
She looked at the glass doors and swiftly shutdown the computer.
The future game plan and strategies clearly reflect his
hidden talent and potential to be an excellent decision maker. But all
strategists make some mistake. He did a mistake about himself and his own
career.
Going back to her room, she was entering through the
backside passage of Directors rooms and the Boardroom. Between the curtains,
she glanced at the glass widows. Arup and Zinta are sitting near the
console panel and they are sitting too close to each other. They are gazing
more to each other than examining the console panels for the CONCAll. This is
office after all; they should not forget the decorum.
There are two long pending applications from Zinta and
Arup. Zinta wanted a transfer to project side, close to her home. She
recommended strongly and kept it in the out tray. Arup applied for the
management quota to Study evening course Of MBA.
While she was busy putting the right words for the
recommendations for Arup, someone inside from her talked.
“You are sure for the transfer of your efficient PS, Zinta.
Are you Jealous?”
“Stop talking rubbish. I am just helping my colleagues.
Zinta should better be near her Parents and Arup should not rot himself
as a senior technician of IT and talking to everybody. In case he faces
any help for MBA programme, he should come to me. I am a good teacher.”
“You sure only talking.”
“Yes only talking and often tips for a better role in MMRPG
game. We are good friends too.”
“Only friends?”
“Oh get lost you buddy. I have a CONCOL to attend.”
Arup just knocked
outside her glass door. She felt as if her heart was beating too fast. Has she become a rider on a Strider?
It was a bit too confusing to say the least!!
ReplyDeleteBut I liked the way you introduced the interview to describe the characters.
Here's my 2 cents:
1. What made Meghana make Zinta search all over for IP addresses all of a sudden?
2.If she is such a stickler for rules ("I can not divulge company trade secrets."), how can she just invade Arup's privacy like that, breaking at least 10 company rules?
3.There was no mention of Meghana having any kind of superiority complex in the first place. She seemed to be an understanding and practical boss to begin with. The news that Arup is the Strider seemed to have empowered her feelings towards him and not change them.
4.Although I'm not really good at English grammar myself, I'm pretty sure that "suddenly" is used only in context. The very first line begins with "suddenly". I'm not sure if I'm right, but we have CS for that ;)
All of the above is intended in a purely constructive criticism manner and it is my personal opinion only. Please do not hold any grudges ;)
II
Well attempted, Pradip.
ReplyDeleteThe characters you played steno to seem to have let you down on the plot. The relationship between Meghana and Arup are cordial and, thus, Meghana actually needs no change of heart and that was supposed to be the crux of the story. There is a lot of debatable action leading to the discovery of the Strider identity but that discovery itself does not seem very meaningful since there is no antagonism that needed to be changed.
You do not use the present and past tense properly and, thus, it is difficult for the reader to follow the time-line of the incidents in the story - the initial part was particularly confusing.
Lots to improve on English - like the use of proper tense; Like that 'Suddenly' that comes suddenly; 'horse galloped high' instead of 'horse reared high'; Like 'opened the country free' instead of just 'opened the country' etc. If I have to single out the one major change you need to make it is in getting a grasp of the tense to use. All the rest are minor compared to that.
It is a nice attempt, Pradeep. I liked how you brought some intensity to the game scenes and how you built the characters around real life characters.
ReplyDeleteBut as II and CS mentioned the tenses have got a bit confused from the grammar perspective. And the story does not have a basic conflict. It felt more like a day to day occurrence than a story. There wasn't enough drama that a fiction requires. One more point is that you changed the plot line. Megha was supposed to have had a quick rise up the corporate ladder due to access to better opportunities while Arup is a self starter and struggler. You somehow made Megha and Arup similar.
"His face was covered with the protective hanging iron chains from his golden headgear. The bright embossing on his golden helmet and bright crown silver mark on his dress marked him as the strider of the main clan."
ReplyDeleteDoes "protective iron chains hanging from his golden headgear" and "bright shine of the embossing on his golden helmet" sound better or worse to you compared to what you used?
Starting the story with a "suddenly" gave it an abrupt feel, like a train starting with a heavy jerk. Instinctively I wanted to first know what happened before that action suddenly happened.
Tenses, tenses, tenses. Tenses, tenses, tenses. I can't emphasize it enough.
On the plus side, you have a bright future as a writer, and you have come to the right place. Stringing together words is no mean feat, and you do a pretty good job of it. We, all of us, need more practise :)
Good attempt Pradip. I am sure we’re all going to learn a lot through the exercises. I see that folks have already talked about Meghna’s lack of condescending attitude and the whole tenses thing. So I won’t repeat that.
ReplyDeleteAlso, there’s some conflicting statements related to the TV. Initially we see the morning TV live show stating some stuff. And then later on she checks TV for News and there is none? Oh by the way, it would be turned on the TV not opened. Do not take this as an offense, but I would honestly suggest a lot more reading - that’s the only way our English will improve. The more we read, the better we get at tenses, use of words, usage within a particular context etc.
Another very interesting thing I noted here is the use of bullet points. Do they encourage use of these in published books? I don’t recollect reading any in a novel.