Author: Rajrupa Gupta
Author Introduction
Rajrupa is
whimsical in one part, carefree daydreamer and obsessive freak in another part.
She suffers from nostalgia and worries about the uncertain. She has a
varied range of conflicting interests - books, movies, music, travel,
architecture, hacking, cooking, sleeping, gossiping, being lazy on purpose and
perhaps most importantly - observing people and reflecting about life. In her
head random thoughts are always rioting to come out first. She presents them to
you as Riot of Random
The Story
“Get
up, Arup sir. Your coffee is here.” Raghu, the office boy said as he placed the
mug carefully on the coaster. Arup opened his eyes from the power nap he had
mastered over the years and flashed a warm smile at Raghu. He was friendly with
Raghu unlike the other top honchos who merely acknowledged Raghu’s presence
when he delivered the coffee. Though Arup would never tell him, having once been
an office boy himself, after his father’s untimely death, he knew exactly how
gratifying a smile was.
Arup
sipped the coffee silently reflecting how far he had traveled in a decade’s
time. From an office boy to a senior IT technician in Aeon Business Consulting Corporation
or the ABC Corp. – the biggest consulting firm in the World. He still sometimes
thought of those sleepless nights when he was preparing for his CCNA exams
online. Such eventful 32 years. Not that he had any idea of stopping here, he
still had a long way to go and helping him, in a strange way, to achieve his
goal was BattleField, a strategic war game in the virtual world of internet. It
helped him validate his strategic planning and decision making capability and
hone them. It was not long now, Arup thought, before he crossed yet another
milestone in his life.
The
loud buzzing of the phone tore the fine fabric of his thought. The number
flashing on the display told Arup it was from Meghana. He suppressed a sigh
that rose from within readying himself for another “My-work-is-more-important-than-yours-you-must-come-immediately-to-my-aid-leaving-whatever-you-are-doing”
type of monologue.
◊
The
three headed dragon puffed smoke yet again - three colors of hot clouds of lava
came out of its three ugly heads. Fiona moved from her left foot to right to
dodge. She needed to think something very quickly if she wanted to survive.
Also she mustn’t let the primitive beast go any near their fuel reservoir – one
more puff there and her entire faction whom she nurtured so carefully would
wipe off the face of Thrace . Muttering fiercely to
herself Fiona did something drastic. She took a gigantic leap and cut one of the
dragon’s wings with one stroke of the sharp sword she carried. Howling in pain
the beast lurched forward to grab Fiona with its claw. But quick witted as she
was Fiona started to run towards the lake of Lepcis . She ran as fast as she
could, dodging the fire breath every now and then, heart beating in her mouth
with the dragon trailing just by inches. Luckily for her, it was in too much
pain to aim its hot breath correctly at her.
She
dived into Lepcis. The foolish dragon followed suit. Surely enough, as Fiona
had figured correctly from its enormous wings, it preferred the sky and could
not swim. Inside the cold water of Lepcis, its hot breath did not work either
and it was too heavy to float. She waited for few minutes under the water with
her breath held, waiting for the beast to drown completely before she emerged
on the lake surface.
She
was shocked to see the Strider waiting on the land. He lent her one hand
helping her to climb out of the water. Fiona felt content to see the smile on
the Strider’s face. He tied a lavaliere around her neck – an acknowledgement
anyone would crave for. Tonight she gets to accompany him in the epic battle to
take over Bononia. The Strider put an arm on her shoulder and pulled her close.
But suddenly an irksome sound came - *ENG ONG ENG ONG ENG ONG*.
Meghana
started in her sleep. It took her a while to completely transition to the world
of reality. She strained her eyes trying to take in the familiar room and
reached for the alarm clock that had gone berserk. She yawned and stretched her
limbs to shoo the last bits of clingy sleep away.
Being
the head of the Strategic Client Communication department in the prestigious
ABC Corp her days began with a quick consultation with her I-Phone. She glanced
through her day’s agenda as she got up promptly. But at the back corner of her
head a nagging thought still refused to leave – they said morning dreams come
true. She shook her head and got busy in her morning chores.
She
got ready in a grey jacket and trousers for the office. She smiled fondly at her reflection in the
mirror. She hated those girly girls in her office who dressed in skirts or
worse salwar suits and had no higher aim than discussing about hot male colleagues.
She knew they hated her as well. Last week when she celebrated her thirtieth
birthday they had gifted her an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii . She knew how badly
they wanted her to be out of office even for a few days. The fanatic pace with
which she worked often bordered on the line of being impossible for many
others.
Meghana
prided herself on her aggressiveness. Since childhood she was fiercely
competitive and always came first in every exam she ever wrote. Armed with an
MBA from the prestigious Kellogg when she started her job hunt, there was a
formidable array of employers who wanted her. She played the role of an amused
spectator when these mediocre firms vied for her. But Meghana wanted nothing
but the best. So when she had nodded her
head finally to the offer from ABC Corp. many of her classmates had exhaled
relief.
The
day went by as swiftly as any other and even before Meghana had barely finished
her first coffee of the day it was lunch time. In spite of her the weird dream from the morning
kept visiting her occasionally. And every time she managed to blush pink.
She
had an important meeting scheduled in the afternoon with a rich potential
client. She rarely needed a second meeting to impress a client and she was
hoping that this one wouldn’t be any exception either. She had spent some time
quietly chalking out the strategies for the meeting earlier. What would the
Strider have done? She had thought. It amazed her how she had subconsciously taken
to putting Strider in her shoes of late and tried to guess Strider’s reaction
in everything she did. She often caught herself thinking – “Would Strider have
approved my decision?”
It
all started when the lack of challenges at work drove her to this MMORPG called
BattleField. As was always the case with her she found herself leading a
faction called Tuitoni in no time. They were warriors and their town was called
Thrace . Strider was the leader
of the clan called Arenacium to which Tuitoni belonged. At first she was
opposed to the idea of being part of a bigger clan and preferred battling
independently. But soon she discovered teamwork and manpower mattered. As she
continued to play BattleField she came in close contact with the Strider. She
was awed at Strider’s brilliance. Till now none of Strider’s strategy had
backfired and they won each single battle under Strider’s leadership. Meghana
was sure, Strider also, like her, belonged to the upper class of corporate
leadership and had an impeccable academic record.
Mira
had sent an email saying that she had copied the ppt required for the meeting into
a known shared location as its size was too big to be attached in the email. Meghana
now tried to copy it to her laptop. She had enough time to review it and make
the necessary correction before she headed for the meeting. But for some reason
the network connectivity broke at 95% of the copying every time she tried. Pushed
to the limit of tolerance she called up Arup – the IT guy or the Mr.
Know-it-all as others called him.
Meghana
could swear that the Arup guy had sounded downright bored when he answered her
call and it irked her. But she kept quiet when Arup showed up. Arup worked for
few minutes in her laptop and then said, “It’s not network problem ma’am. The
archived file is corrupt. Please paste a fresh copy of the file.”
Meghana
panicked. She didn’t have enough time and Mira was out for lunch. She asked
Arup to stay back till her problem was solved. She called up Mira and persuaded
her to return from her unfinished lunch after using a well-chosen vocabulary of
corporate words capable of curdling anyone’s blood.
◊
Ten
minutes later Meghana was satisfied after the PowerPoint presentation was
successfully copied into her laptop and she opened the file and verified it. She
nodded to Arup signaling that he could leave now. As Arup started to leave he blurted
as though unable to help himself, “Ma’am, in leadership influence is more
important than authority.”
It
struck Meghana like a thunderbolt. “What did you just say?” she asked.
“Nothing
ma’am. I was just leaving.” Arul put his leg forward to escape from the scene.
“No!
Wait. Why did you say what you just said?” Meghana’s voice leaned dangerously on
the verge of pleading.
Arup
rolled his eyes and cursed himself under his breath. Why did he have to blurt
out the Mantra he followed in the BattleField? “Nothing ma’am, seriously, it’s
just something I tell my faction leaders to follow in this online game I play
in my spare time. Seeing how you behaved with Mira, it automatically came to my
tongue. It does not mean anything.” Arup finished.
“Which
is the name of the game you play?” Meghana asked, now holding her breath. She
was about to discover something she had been longing for a long time now.
Surprised
by the sudden curiosity of this snob lady, Arup said, “It’s called BattleField.
It’s a massive multi player online role playing game, I am sure you know. I
lead a clan in it. Of late I am mixing virtual and real world. Sorry for that
loose comment on leadership. Of course you know better.” Arup started to leave
again.
But
Meghana was not letting go. She asked again, “Which clan do you lead?”
“It’s
called Arenacium”, Arup replied, now positively frowning.
Meghana
gestured that Arup could leave now. After he left, she giggled like a teenager
suddenly, Oh! The deceptive mind. Years of corporate filth had made it fallacious,
it needed cleansing – immediately.
She
dialed the travel agent to finalize the itinerary - she was going to Hawaii .
Rajrupa! As usual the narrative flows fluidly. I, personally, liked the manner in which the Strider identity was revealed since that was the way I had thought to write it, if I were to write it.
ReplyDeleteTwo issues, however. The ending is too cryptic - I cannot make out whether she felt her mind her deceived her in (a)feeling mildly romantic about Strider by assuming he was a corporate honcho or (b) thinking only corporate honchos were capable of strategic thinking. The second issue is with Arup blurting out the words that let out his identity. It would have been better, maybe, to have had him blurt it out immediately after she chewed out Mira over phone and, indeed, have written dialogues abt what she said to Mira.
I get to English as usual. At one place you mention 'other top honchos', which gives the impression that Arup was one himself - as IT technician, does he count as one? Then you write 'none of Strider's strategy' - it should be 'strategies'.(This is my pet bugbear. When people say 'one of my friend' etc. it bugs me - you talk of one out of many and thus it should be 'one of my friends')
Thank you Suresh.. for the valuable critique. Yes.. strategies ...it bugs me too...I overlooked it..my mistake
DeleteAbout the ending.. I am sorry you found it confusing...But Meghana already had tickets to Hawaii as her birthday present.. and after the revelation of Strider she realized how deceptive and narrow her mind could get as a result of spending years in the corporate world.. so to get out of it and take a break she decided to visit Hawaii..
Hi Rajrupa!
ReplyDeleteAs CS mentioned, I, too, found the ending a tad confusing. It could have been a bit more clear had you mentioned what actually went through Meghana's mind.
And I also feel that the revealing of Strider could have been even more exciting, had you mentioned the "motto" earlier in the story.
And a couple of words/sentences describing who Mira was, could have saved me a lot of time, as I went back searching through the story to recall any earlier mention of Mira. It's just that when you introduce a character (mainstream or supporting) a brief description (depending on the type of character) always helps in visualizing the scene a bit more easily. Like the way you described Raghu as "Raghu, the office boy".
All in all, loved the natural flow and the effort put into the game, even though, I presume, you haven't played such a game before.
Regards,
II
P.S totally loved the *ENG ONG ENG ONG ENG ONG* sounds!!!
P.P.S there's already a game called "Battlefield" which is an army based war game, but those are just semantics ;)
Thanks a lot IndolentInsomniac. Point taken. :)
DeleteSmooth engaging narrative and nice attempt at re-creating the game. Liked the work you had done on Meghana's character.
ReplyDeleteComing to areas of improvement, the initial stuff about Arup kind of stood aloof from the rest of the story. Somehow felt it did not go with the flow. And as the others said the end was a bit cryptic. Also I guess I would repeat about the X-factor I mentioned for others. Usually what happens in most blog stories is that plot plays a key role and narrative plays the role of vehicle to move the plot along. So usually if you manage the language and flow well, it comes out well. But here plot does not have anything very special. So narrative can't afford to just smoothly take plot along. It needs to do something on its own as well.
Thanks a lot for the feedback TF. Will definitely work on it.
DeleteHi Rajrupa
ReplyDeleteLoved the imagery you created for the game. And Office-boy! that immediately reminds us of coffee and tea rt? I had a similar character in my narration too :) The line 'Mira had sent an email' seems to enter abruptly in the flow. Maybe there could have been one or more additional lines there.
Thanks Jayasree! Will definitely work on the suggestion
DeleteThat was a brilliant narrative. I especially loved the description of the dream.
ReplyDeleteCould not make much sense out of the ending, though.
:( I am disappointed that people think it is not much vivid - the end I mean. Will work on it
DeleteI loved the way you described the game...Your work on the plot was great and would have been even better if the ending was enunciated a little bit more..
ReplyDeleteGreat work :)
Regards,
Nabanita
Thanks Naba...Your entry was great too
DeleteI can see what you tried to do with the ending, even if it required a little more detailing. Some writer fatigue when you got to the end of the post perhaps?
ReplyDeleteYour post had my vote when you hit upon this brilliant way of revealing Arup to Meghana. I employed the tired technique of getting Meghana to go to Arup with an IT problem. So you out-thought the crowd here, and possibly that is a pointer to your plotting strength.
Good work, I know you through Blogaton, it is always a pleasure.
Thanks Sandy for the wonderful feedback... and I am grateful that finally a soul who saw through my ending :)
DeleteRajrupa! Your ending was not obscure in the sense that we understood that Meghana thought that her thought processes had become too stale and were running in a rut and therefore she wanted a break. My issue was only with your not explaining what she thought was wrong in her earlier thought process - did she think she was wrong in feeling romantic about Strider or in assuming brains went with position or what? That should have been better explained. In other words, without explaining why she thought that her mind required a break from corporate life you jump to the decision to take the break.
DeleteUps
ReplyDeleteAfter Meghna was introduced, the story flowed like free water..on its own and taking the reader in it without him worrying about anything other than the story. And again, the experts have already said much about your lovely writing style. I personally liked one sentence very much: She called up Mira and persuaded her to return from her unfinished lunch after using a well-chosen vocabulary of corporate words capable of curdling anyone’s blood.
Downs
1. Why would someone think of his past as the first think in office? If Raghu triggered this stray of thoughts, Arup must have been meeting this office boy daily, right? Further, the way you introduced the game in the story was a little unconforting. Maybe, the timing of it!
2. Meghana started in her sleep - started what?
3. Comma should be used when needed. Please don't omit it for it confuses the reader.
they said morning dreams come true - they said 'that' morning dreams come true.
4. and had no higher aim than discussing about hot male colleagues - Is discussing about hot male colleagues an aim? Maybe, it would have been written as 'no other business' or 'nothing else to do than discussing...'
5. they hated her as well - Should have been written as 'they too hated her.'
6. came first in every exam she ever wrote - I would write this as 'stood first in each exam she appeared at'
7. nodded her head - The word 'nod' means 'shake one's head affirmatively'. You need not write 'her head' when you use 'nod'
8. even before Meghana had barely finished - 'even before' and 'barely' should not be used together since they convey the same meaning more or less.
9. In spite of her the weird dream from the morning kept visiting her occasionally - could not understand the first part of this sentence.
10. each single battle - no need of 'single'
11. Mira had sent an email saying - Do you say something in an email or state something in an email?
12. Ten minutes later Meghana was satisfied - satisfied or relieved? The word 'satisfied' made me alert!
P.S. - On a funny note, I would like teach my partner how to blush pink!
Diwa! 'started in her sleep' is used to mean that involuntary movement of the body that you make when you are startled.
DeleteI know this is a little late, but I felt like reading entries that I missed reading as part of Exercise 1. I haven't read much of your fiction Rajrupa, so I must say this at the outset, I enjoyed reading the story. Nothing forced about it, the narrative flowed smoothly. But I have the same complaint as others. I would have loved to know what went on in her mind at the end once she realized that Strider is Arup. Did she feel embarrassed about having had romantic feelings for Strider? Did she feel that she had erred in assuming that Arup was beneath her?
ReplyDeletePS: The whole Fiona-Dragon thing brought a smile to my face. Shrek fan, are you? :) Me too! Well, I am pretty sure when TF suggested the MMORPG he was definitely not talking about dragons and princesses, most probably about heavy metal vested grunting guards and swords and such, but I would have done the same thing if I had to talk about a game. I have no idea what kind of games there are out there, not into those at all! So yeah, I enjoyed reading about the dragon and Fiona and the lake :)